Before deciding to define the relationship and make a deeper commitment to each other, you have to decide someone is truly right for you. We all have automatic deal-breakers that we're cognizant of (and probably some we don't even realize until we encounter them). While your list of "must-haves" or "can't-haves" may differ from your best friends, there are some universal relationship deal breakers many of us have in common.
What Is a Relationship Deal-Breaker?
A relationship deal-breaker is something that automatically disqualifies someone as a dating prospect.
Read on to learn about six top relationship deal-breakers in order to determine if your relationship is meant to last forever...or meant to end ASAP.
Your Partner Doesn’t Want the Same Things That You Do
In a long-lasting, happy, and healthy relationship, it’s important that you and your partner are on the same page about the future of your connection. If you want to have children one day, but your partner doesn’t see kids in their future (or already has children and doesn’t want more), then this could be an automatic relationship deal-breaker. "If those unequal appetites are crucial to either partner, there is bound to be strife as the couples struggle to keep them in balance. Over time, resentments and disappointments can mount if they dismiss their importance," says Randi Gunter, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor.
You shouldn’t have to compromise the hopes and dreams that you have for your life, and if having children is a non-negotiable for you, then it’s time to let your partner go.
Your Partner Abuses You
Any sort of abuse is an automatic relationship deal-breaker. Whether this abuse is physical, verbal, or emotional, you should never tolerate any type of abusive treatment and behavior in a relationship. If your partner has hurt you in any capacity, whether this person was violent with you or used their words to intimidate you, hurt you, or belittle you, this should be the immediate end of your relationship. Your partner should be your best friend and your biggest advocate, not someone you fear.
You're Always Fighting With Each Other
Conflict is a natural part of a relationship, and you and your partner are bound to have some disagreements and arguments from time to time. However, if you and your partner have a contentious connection in which the two of you are always screaming and fighting with each other, this could be a relationship deal-breaker. You're not always going to agree with your partner, but you should be able to communicate with each other and resolve any disputes in a healthy and productive way. When you can problem-solve as a couple and make it through these types of hurdles, your bond will be stronger as a result. However, if each day is filled with anger and you find yourself fed up with your partner most of the time, it's time to exit the relationship.
You Don’t Trust Your Partner
If you want your relationship to last, you and your partner have to trust each other wholeheartedly. "When interpersonal trust is missing or insufficient, it’s absence all but guarantees a difficult, painful, frustrating, and ultimately unsatisfying future for both partners," says relationship experts and therapists Linda Bloom, LCSW, and Charlie Bloom, M.S.W. If you live in constant fear that your partner is going to cheat on you, the lingering uncertainty and doubt will eventually hurt your connection and prevent you from ever being truly happy and confident in your relationship. When you can't take your partner at their word and find yourself trying to determine if your partner is being honest or not, this relationship is probably not for you.
You're Not Your Authentic Self
Do you find yourself playing a role when you're around your partner? Do you speak up and say what's really on your mind, or do you only tell your partner what you think they want to hear? Another relationship deal-breaker is when you can't be truly authentic with your partner. If you're faking interests, holding back your thoughts, and censoring yourself in your relationship, it's time to find a relationship where you're not preventing yourself from being the person you really are. Your partner should know and love the real you and not the version of yourself that you think they want.
You're Not Appreciated
In order for a relationship to succeed in the long run, both people have to feel as though they're important to one another. However, if your partner takes you for granted, isn't grateful or appreciative of all that you do, and doesn't make a real effort to prioritize you in their life, consider it a relationship deal-breaker. You deserve to be with someone who truly cares about you and your well-being and appreciates all that you have to offer.