There is nothing worse than being really into someone, only to have them do something so off-putting and gnarly that you cannot bring yourself to have sex with them (or have sex with them again, in many cases).
Not everything is a deal-breaker. Perhaps a lover does something kind of gross, but you can move on from it. Is there anything more annoying than someone going down on you without making sure you’re finished?
Yet, despite forgiveness, once in awhile you’ll find someone who does something you didn’t even know was a red flag until they did it. Hey, sex is kind of a freaky, weird mess. We’re learning as we go. It’s important to figure out what you like and what you don’t like; what makes a good lover, and what doesn’t.
Eventually, the deal-breakers sort themselves out and you walk through the rest of your life as an independent, sexually autonomous woman who knows what she’s willing to deal with ... and what she is not willing to deal with.
If you need a bit of help discerning or pinpointing what constitutes a sexual turn off, look no further than the testimonials of these 20 real women.
“Laziness, including lazy to go down on you.”
“An unwillingness to try new things. Don't be boring.”
“I lose it when I’m with someone who goes down on me, but doesn’t do it long enough for me to finish. That is the worst and honestly it is gross.”
“When he treats your clitoris like it’s a mango to be chomped on.”
“When someone only wants to stay in one position, I cannot deal with it. I told you I wanted to get on top, that does not mean continue in missionary and ignore me.”
“I once had a partner who FREAKED out when I brought out my vibrator. Wouldn’t even continue with sex because he said it was so insulting. Meanwhile he did not touch my clitoris once during the entire thing. I was so turned off. I never spoke to him again ... even though he then tried calling me for another date.”
“Going on and on about generous he or she is in bed, only to find out they’re super terrible at sex and think you should do all the work. No, thank you!”
“Unwillingness to be vulnerable. Sex is adult play. Let go and have fun. Nothing like laughter in the bedroom.”
“If someone asks you what you like in bed and then doesn’t do it, I don’t get that. If you’re communicative with me about your wants and mine—but then don’t do any of the things we talked about during sex, I get confused and super not into it. Why do people do that?”
“When it’s a casual thing and they have the hubris to tell you not to get your hopes up for anything serious. Like, did I say I wanted to date you? Why would you ever think I was willing to date you?”
“Lack of communication. Say something, bro.”
“Dirty, stinky, bad breath.”
“Them saying stuff like ‘But hey.. don’t fall in love with me, okay?’”
“When they have too much saliva in the makeout and just decide that making out for a minute means they can start feeling you up! Nope. Seduce me a little, let that fire build.”
“When someone doesn't make any sound at all. It's so weird and awkward! I like knowing the other person's enjoying it.”
“When a partner expects, not just wants but expects, oral sex but either doesn’t reciprocate or acts like he’s doing such a good deed by going down on you.”
See more: Why Some Things Turn Us On While Others Don't
“Definitely poor hygiene, laziness to perform foreplay and cunnilingus. Most men disregard foreplay yet it's a vital ingredient in a truly orgasmic mind blowing sex. It's also a turn off for me when a man is in a hurry to finish coz I like taking time in coitus.”
“Only thinking about themselves and what they want in bed. My ex was the worst at that.”
“Selfishness, no cunnilingus, no affection. I like a partner who is generous, because that's how I am.”