The jury is in and has made a final decision: Role play is hot. Well, when done correctly it’s hot.
What is role play? It’s a game. You choose a character you want to be and your partner plays the adjoining role. The idea is to get totally into character. It’s almost like making your own porno. In fact, pretending to be in a porno might be the role play. It’s a “choose your own adventure” kind of sex thing.
Role playing is a break from normal, vanilla sex. It’s a chance to explore fantasies and kinks outside of your routine. You can be anyone you want to be, do anything you want to do.
While there is a lot of information on “how” to role play (it is pretty intuitive), we couldn't help but wonder: What is it about this kind of sexual play that is so hot?
Why, oh why, does role play turn us on so much? What is happening inside our brains during these sex games that make us crazy? We have the answers you’ve been waiting for.
You become a fantasy
There is something extremely tantalizing about becoming a person you’ve always wanted to be...and then having sex. You’re metaphorically wearing someone else’s skin for the evening.
You and your partner have a chance to step outside of your daily roles and be whoever you want to be. Whether it’s a couple from a movie (Pulp Fiction, anyone?), a football player and cheerleader, a handyperson and a hot housewife—anything is possible when you’re role playing.
Plus, dirty talk. You can say many of the things that turn you on while being this other person, things you may not say on a regular sex night. As long as you’ve checked in with your partner beforehand, role play lets you be as dirty as you want to be. Yes, please.
It’s a safe space where you can let go. You and your partner are not just acting out a fantasy, you’re a part of the fantasy.
You get to play dress up
One of the hottest parts of role is having total control over the scene. You can role play by simply taking on a certain character and talking dirty to each other—that’s totally hot. But, you can also choose to have more elaborate scenes; ones with costumes and gear. Hurray for sex toys!
Say, for example, you want to do a college student/professor role play. You can go to the store and buy a coed-esque outfit and a pair of fake glasses for your partner. Perhaps you even want a riding crop since you’ve been a bad girl? Hey, we’re just spitballing here.
Preparing for a scene is a kind of mental foreplay. You’re already playing the role before you begin the scene. Buying things for your role play and setting up the gear is super hot. Touching a leather riding crop, seeing a certain outfit you plan to wear, and imagining all the things your partner will do to you later—it’s one, giant collective turn on. You’re already thinking about what’s to come.
It satiates the brain’s desire for novelty
As anthropologist Dr. Wednesday Martin points out in her new book, Untrue, one of the main things that keeps a spark alive in monogamous relationships is novelty. We cannot want what we already have. Role play offers that taste of the unknown that we crave. Put simply, it's new and excitingly different.
We’re playing out a fantasy that we have not yet tried before. Role play offers more than just a new sex move or toy, it gives you a chance to be someone new. You and your partner get to be different people.
As much as we may not want to admit it, we all fantasize about others. It’s completely normal and healthy. It’s one of the beautiful things that makes the wild imagination of human beings so unique.
You’re pushing yourselves
We love our comfort zones—they're cozy and we have a hard time straying outside of them. When you’re role playing, you’re essentially knocking yourself out of the comfort zone with one, major push.
Hello! Here we are in new terrain!
There is something nerve-wracking, but also super exciting and sexy about being on new sexual footing, especially if you’ve been together or married for a long time. It feels like you’re catapulted back in time to the first few sexual experiences you had with your partner. It’s all unexplored once again.
You may feel a little embarrassed, nervous, and silly, but it’s also a huge turn on.