Here we give our readers a glimpse inside the mindset of a guy's brain on weddings with the help of the hilarious and smart editors at The Plunge.
There are a lot of different reasons to feel resentful toward your fiancé during the wedding planning process, but there may be one in particular topic you might be hesitant to talk about, even as it festers in the back of your mind. Like a lot of brides-to-be, you’ve likely been eating on the healthier side and upping your fitness routine, to try and look your best on the big day. We, meanwhile, seem to be spending all our time sitting on the sofa, playing Overwatch and drinking beer. Why, you may ask yourself, is your husband-to-be refusing to get in shape for the wedding?
It’s a reasonable question. Even if the bride is the center of attention at the wedding, it’s not like the groom is invisible. There’s the wedding photos, for one: you don’t want any pictures of a beautiful woman in a stunning dress standing next to a pot-bellied shlub in an ill-fitting suit.
So why aren’t we working as hard as you are to tame our fat, build lean muscle, and fill out our tux as pleasingly as you’ll be filling out your dress? The answers for that are many and varied, most of them vague and unconvincing. They don’t indicate lack of interest, but they may indicate indecision, stress, or... plain laziness.
It’s the Corporations, man!
Weddings are a billion dollar industry targeted at women, and this is as true of the fitness section of the business as any other. We don’t have to tell you. If you aren’t already enrolled in a wedding weight loss program, you are probably being bombarded with ads for one. Guys? Not nearly as much.
It’s the Patriarchy, man!
Then there’s that old double standard. The shameful way in which women are judged on their looks, men on their accomplishments, their personality, and their wealth. We can look like slobs, as long as everyone knows we’re loaded.
We don’t want to outshine you.
This one, we admit, is probably bullshit. But the idea is: we don’t want to make ourselves too handsome, or it might take away fro everyone’s appreciation of you. In a singles bar, we want every woman to say “My God, he’s hot!” At a wedding, we want every woman to say “My God, she’s beautiful!” If your fellow females are paying more attention to our tight butt and awesome V-shape than your incredible wedding dress and beautiful hair, then a year of wedding prep has gone to waste.
We’re embracing our Dad bod.
Ok, maybe we don’t have kids yet (that we’ve told you about, anyway…), but we’ve heard that “Dad bod” is the new macho. Perhaps the slightly plump physique reassures our mates that we will be nurturing dads and husbands. Whatever the reason, women seem to find Dad bod wildly sexy, so we want in.
Suits cover a multitude of sins.
We don’t work out as much as you because we don’t have to. We’re not going to be sewn into a form fitting white gown. We’re going to be wearing one or another type of suit — it will cover our growing beer gut, pad up our sloping shoulders and hide our incipient man boobs.
Besides, if we start bulking up, we’ll have to have our tuxedo altered, which will do serious damage to the budget. We’d have to make up for that loss by cutting something else — the flower budget, say. You don’t want to have to put out plastic lilies, do you?
We will work out.
There are two types of guys: those who like working out and those who tolerate it at need. If you’re getting married to the first type, you probably are not even reading this article. If you’re getting married to the second, have faith. We will get in shape.
At some point, it will hit us that we’re getting married and we actually want to look our best. When that panic sets in, we will start working out, and keep working out for 3-4 weeks (which is the maximum stretch of consistency we are capable of when it comes to exercise). But it will be enough to get us presentable.
We know we’re supporting players in this drama, but we’ll be ready for our role.