"He loves me...he loves me not? No, no, no. He definitely loves me. We've bought a dog together. We've named our unborn children. We've actually talked about getting engaged. So, why am I still waiting for him to propose? Wait...what if he didn't even want Mr. Fluffles? Is it possible he just likes those names for babies in general? Was all that ring talk only meant to placate me in the moment I discovered he'd forgotten to mail the rent check? Oh no. When he leaves me, I won't even be able to afford rent. I'll have to move back in with my parents. Will I be able to bring Mr. Fluffles?"
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Flips on the light switch.
Lady friend, we get the "waiting for proposal depression" is real and dark, but tell that demonic little voice that keeps doubting your relationship security and self-worth, "Not today, Subconscious Satan!"
If you've concluded with your partner (and yourself!) that you're ready for a life together, it's going to happen. Breathe. And if the waiting game feels less like a game, and more like a torture session, take solace in the fact that you're certainly not the only one going through this. Here are 19 thoughts that cross every girl's mind when waiting for a proposal.
1. "Okay, how do I make my fingers as ridiculously good-looking as possible?"
Now is the time your nail-biting habit dies. No more experimenting with weird neon orange shades at the nail salon. Oh, and when should you start scheduling regular manicures? Now? Probably now.
2. "Hmm, I wonder if he'll ask me in [insert upcoming vacation destination here.]"
Idyllic location, premeditated outfits, plus all your family will be there. I mean, why wouldn't he be cooking up the dream proposal? It just took you all of 15 seconds to map out how you'd do it if you were in his shoes. Ooh! Shoes! You're going to go ahead and pack those heels...y'know, just in case...
3. "Has he talked to anyone else about his grand plan?"
Surely there's a brother or a best friend from whom you can extract or to whom you can implant valuable information. You will be so chill about it. Just a casual "What's up? How's your fantasy team doing?" followed by some flattery and then, "I know you wouldn't let [The Man I Love] embarrass himself with anything half-baked or cheesy, right?"
4. "Oh, God, please tell me he actually has a plan."
Have some faith! If your relationship has reached "lifetime commitment" status, he knows you pretty well. He's going to appreciate how much a thoughtful proposal will mean to you. Here are some stories of real dudes who came through—just like your guy will when he's good and ready to bend the knee.
5. "I hope I like the ring. OH, SUGAR. What if I don't like the ring!?"
It's one of every almost-engaged-girl's greatest fears. After all, you're supposed to wear this thing forever. It'd be so awkward to have to tell him it's not your style, and faking it would be even worse. Why don't you think about dropping a few not-so-subtle hints?
6. "Is it creepy that I keep rummaging through his stuff like a gopher?"
No way he'd hide the ring at the bottom of his dirty clothes hamper. That's disgusting...you're going to check, aren't you?
7. "Should I stop buying anything monogrammed for now?"
You don't want to engrave your last name initial on a new bag if that letter is going to change any time soon. When are you allowed to start using your married-self's monogram without looking like a psycho person anyway? Grrr. Now you just want to shop...
8. "Ahh! Seriously cannot wait to be a wifey, and buy everything inscribed with "wifey" or "bride" or "Mrs." or any other relevant title."
You probably won't use any of that stuff for more than a few months tops, but WHO CARES? The mere thought of finally being able to call him your fiancé gets you giddy inside like a little schoolgirl. Did you just scribble a heart on a business memo? Whatever. It's cute.
9. "How the heck am I expected to get any work done when my office has an Internet connection? Bring on the inspiration, Interweb!"
10. "Is it too soon to show him this wedding Pinterest board I created when I was 18?"
Maybe you'll just keep it a secret for now....Praise be for privacy settings. You can get a jumpstart on wedding planning without looking like the crazy girl without a ring. Or, bump the haters, and pin away! Who knows? You may be surprised to find your man comes to the wedding planning table with a few pins of his own.
11. "And speaking of secrets, who do I tell first when it happens?"
What's the order? Eternal thanks to the inventor of blind cc'ing on email threads because you know better than to send a mass text message. All those responses? Your phone would be dead in minutes—before you even get to the social media post. (Spoiler alert: that's last.)
12. "What is my Instagram caption going to be? Does this mean I go ahead and figure out the wedding hashtag too?"
Eh, why not? Here's some help.
13." Did he just put on a shirt with a collar for date night? ZETUS LUPETUS. IT'S HAPPENING TONIGHT."
Any time he plans something nice, you're getting suspicious. But, you don't want to get your hopes up in case it doesn't happen. Now you're talking yourself out of every possibility at the same time. Then again, it really is the perfect opportunity...
14. "HA. Such a clever way to throw me off. This is actually a good lesson in staying on top of my laundry, so I'll have all my favorite ensembles at my (ring finger's) fingertips the next time he dons a nice shirt."
Have you even thought about what you'll wear for engagement photos?
15. "Ugh, I swear if I see another engagement announcement on any social media platform I'm going to #puke."
As if waiting on him to pop the question isn't tough enough, it seems like every time you check social media someone else is getting engaged. How is your little sister's best friend from kindergarten possibly old enough to be getting married? She's got to be, like, 16 years old at most.
16. "Well, if he doesn't propose by [insert deadline here] I am out of here!"
Whether you've been patiently waiting for two weeks or two years, it feels like time goes by as slow as molasses once you've had "the talk." We know, and are figuratively sending you soothing hair pats! But don't do anything you'll regret: remember ultimatums are generally not a good idea.
17. "Do I even want him to propose anymore?"
Second-guessing is normal; marriage is a BFD. But if you're twenty-second-guessing, read this.
18. "Maybe I should just propose to him..."
Maybe you should! We are all for rewriting the rules.
See More: 9 Signs He's About to Propose
19. Okay, I'm done overthinking this. I love him. He loves me. That's all I need to know. It'll happen when it happens.
Good for you! Atta way to rein in all your unbridled bridal thoughts! You are a mind-warrior goddess! Now, if you figure out how to make this mindset last for longer than two minutes, please tell us your secret asap.