You used to be as thick as thieves, but now you find yourself actively avoiding your BFF unless duty calls. Yikes! What ever happened to the chill chick that could care less about flowers and table settings a mere few months ago? We swear she's still in their somewhere, bridesmaids! If you've got your hands full with a full-on bridezilla or she's simply on the verge of driving you both mad, here's how to make peace and get your bestie back ASAP.
Keep your cool
Whatever you do, don't take on the same negative tone of voice or temperament as your BFF, advises national etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, owner of The Protocol School of Texas. It'll only escalate the situation. "Instead, give her a bit of slack to see if she's just having a momentary lapse of judgment." If her behavior is consistently rude or routinely nasty though, it's time to sit down and have a heart to heart, tells Gottsman. "Take her to coffee or lunch and say something along the lines of, 'Jill, I understand that you want the perfect wedding, and we all want the same for you. I can't help but notice that you're letting the stress of the wedding get the best of you. What can I do to help?'"
Don't call her out in front of everyone
Whether it's wedding vendors or friends, don't embarrass the bride by dubbing her the ultimate bridezilla or getting in a screaming match in front of them. Also, Gottsman warns against throwing the other girls under the bus with a heated statement like, "Janie and Sarah don't even want to be in your wedding anymore!" If everyone agrees, you can talk for the bridesmaids collectively but not without their permission, she says. "It would be bad form to make her feel like everyone is against her, even though at this point they probably are!"
Wait until she's calm to address the situation
Trying to reason with your BFF when she's all worked up or throwing a tantrum will get you absolutely nowhere, notes Gottsman. If you'd prefer not to be a part of her bratty behavior, she suggests saying, "I'm going to give you some time to cool down. I don't want to say something I will regret, but I can't stay here and listen to you rant over things that I can't do anything about." Stand your ground calmly and assertively without allowing her to scream at you or name call. "Let her know you love her and are willing to help, but there have to be some common courtesy boundaries."
Help her find ways to relieve some stress
In other words, ask her how you can help. As Gottsman explains, every bride experiences different frustrations throughout the planning process. "It may be driving her to a dress fitting, helping her address invitations or keeping her annoying Aunt Betty away from her at the shower." Recommending a spa treatment, brisk walk, or yoga class to de-stress the both of you can't hurt either.
Really listen to her
Even if you have to do it through her petty jabs, says Gottsman. "She may have a point and be feeling frustrated because she isn't getting any or enough support." Try to hear what she's really trying to communicate through her bridezilla behavior and perhaps you can put a stop to the outbursts.
Share your frustrations with a trusted friend
Sometimes you just gotta vent! Gottsman advises letting off steam and releasing pent up tension by sharing your feelings with a friend you know won't gossip. "Choose someone that you feel confident will listen with a compassionate, yet confidential ear."
Protect your own sanity
Desperate times call for desperate measures! If all else fails and your BFF is truly out of control, you might have to do something extreme like exit stage door right or at least limit the time you spend with her, instructs Gottsman. "She'll get the message when no one answers her calls!"