Your Groom Won't Ask His Parents to Help Pay for the Wedding

Bride and groom at dinner

Photo by Sean Kim

The number one topic that can easily make your wedding planning experience go from gung-ho to oh no is the topic of money. Figuring out how much you want to take out of your savings account to dump into your dream wedding day can be a difficult process, especially when you start to learn that planning a wedding is way more expensive than you ever imagined it would be. But as you’re sitting down with your fiancé and jotting down the first draft of your wedding budget, one question that might fly out of your mouth is, “Will you ask your parents to give us money to use for the wedding?”

If his answer is a straight-up no, you may find yourself feeling uneasy. So when that conversation happens, or if it’s already happened and you don’t know how to deal with it, these are the ways you can handle the news that your groom isn’t going to pop the money question to his parents anytime soon.

Find Out the Reason Why

Before you go off on a tangent and start to question why he won’t ask his parents, just ask. Find out the reason he doesn’t want to get his parent’s cash involved in the wedding. Perhaps he doesn’t feel comfortable asking or perhaps his parents have already told him that he is on his own for the big day. Together, come to some sort of conclusion, whether that is to still have a money conversation with his parents that’s more organized with a specific amount in mind rather than just a lump sum of cash, or just let it be and not have his parents contribute. By the end of the conversation, be on the same page with each other so that you can move forward with an understanding and no hurt feelings.

Determine if You Should Ask Your Parents

If you learn that your groom isn’t asking his parents for cash because he doesn’t feel like they should get involved with the wedding, it’s important to then make a decision around whether or not you should ask your parent’s to pay for the wedding either. Decide together if parental contributions should be equal, however much they each want to give, or if they'll be absent altogether. Have this conversation early on because the outcome might alter how much you have to spend on your wedding and ultimately what you will put that money toward.

Sit Down & Hash Out a Budget

After you've talked about why he won’t ask his parents for money and whether or not you will, begin drafting out a budget. This doesn’t have to be your final wedding budget, but it should give you a good idea of how much your big day is going to cost and how much you might have to start saving from your paycheck over the next few months or year.

Make As Many Cutbacks as You Can

Once you have your budget, it’s time to start making cutbacks. These cutbacks don’t have to be anything major but they should be centered around a conversation as to what your wedding must-haves are. What are things you really want to have at your wedding and what are things you can let go to save a couple of thousand dollars? This should be a joint decision where the amount each family is contributing doesn’t come into play (i.e. cutbacks shouldn't only come from his wishlist). That way, the wedding can be planned in a way that both you and the groom are excited and happy about what will be on that big day.

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