When it comes to good sex, and what makes someone good at sex, priorities vary from person to person. Some people value certain things over others, such as foreplay or communication. Most want a variety of differing attributes.
Truthfully, there are many things that intersect to make someone a truly fantastic lover. There are no right or wrong answers. Being good in bed is about having empathy, knowing what a person wants, communication, foreplay, and much more.
To get some down and dirty honesty, we asked 29 real women what makes someone good in bed. Their answers are enlightening, heartwarming, and pretty damn sexy.
“GGG: Good, giving, game. Thanks, Dan Savage!”
“When they treat me as a person and more than just a good lay.”
“Confidence is always sexy, but not to be confused with arrogance. Essentially if you're familiar with the 'yes, and' principle of improv theater, I think that sums it up pretty well. You have to be able to listen and respond. Even in a casual one-night-stand type situation, there needs to be some trust there and you can't trust someone who's not capable of listening to you.”
“Communication and honesty.”
“Communication and being able to laugh when something isn’t going exactly right.”
"What makes someone great in bed is COMMUNICATION. If you are able to tell me what you like and how you like it, as well as what you don’t like and how to avoid it, you’re helping me to stop worrying about what to do. And if I’m not worrying, I can relax and have fun…which means I’m going to enjoy what you’re doing to me a hell of a lot more!"
“Giving as much as getting, varying pressure with hands/tongue, holding close, sometimes teasing.”
“Great sex begins long before one hits the sheets. Little whispers, messages during the day, teasers, soft touches...playfulness is an attractive quality! Good communication during the relationship, knowing likes/dislikes/needs will change over time. Honesty.”
“How well they know themselves. What they like, what they don’t like.”
“My late husband had a *clears throat* very firm rule, 'Ladies first, second, and maybe, third.' Sometimes I actually had to call enough. We laughed, mourned, and rediscovered ourselves by making love. He took great pride in giving pleasure.”
“The capacity to play. I was always taught to think of sex as this 'serious' moment between two people (and it CAN be). But communicating, laughing, and being able to address the awkward moments without self-consciousness is key. Sex should be FUN for everyone involved.”
“Eats p***y like it's their last and favorite meal.”
“Aside from the obvious (consent, communication, confidence), I'd say being tactile. I think a lot of the time, the art of simple touch has been lost. Touch my ears! Touch me behind my knees! Bodies are wonderful everywhere.”
“Understanding not every encounter will end in orgasm for one or both partners, and realizing there's nothing wrong with that.”
“Generosity and communication. Really paying attention to what causes a body’s reaction whether it be goose bumps, blushing, breathing speeding up, etc.”
“Relaxed easygoing attitude that is able to laugh with you when things get weird.”
“Someone intent on understanding your pleasure and desires and then focused on giving them. Bear in mind how we change through our sex lives and our desire and needs change too.”
“Someone who focuses on your pleasure and satisfaction, and puts in the effort to learn what you enjoy and make sure you finish, instead of viewing it as an afterthought. Find a partner that will make sure you orgasm as often as they do. That's what makes a great lover.”
“Caring, creativity, knowledge, experience, and a little kink.”
“Hands on me. The wanting. And the willing to please.”
“A willingness to experiment with new things, not putting too high of expectations on themselves or you, and always being caring and respectful.”
See more: 14 Women on What Orgasm Feels Like
“Spontaneity. Wordless communication. Allowing for the moment to unfold without forcing a preconceived notion of where it should go.”
“Being considerate and having fun. The first two months I was with my boyfriend I was shocked that sex could be so amazing every single time.”
“Being on the same levels of rough play and intimacy. Being fully engaged in the moment at all times. Good with their hands. Full body contact, holding you vs. hovering above you when able. When a penis just fits right. And of course making you orgasm.”