We seem to put a lot of pressure on penis size. And by “seem to” we mean, we definitely do this all the time. We’re all somehow in this nefarious search for the most “perfect” penis, constantly comparing lovers (both past and present) with our girlfriends to determine what the embodiment of the perfect dick really means.
He’s seven inches, thick, fantastic everything! Um, is life a porno or what? What is going on right now?
At the risk of going super Carrie Bradshaw right now, I can't help but wonder: Is a “perfect penis” a universal concept we’re all determined to define? And is it even possible?
Studies have shown that penises with more girth are usually preferred by women and that length often makes little to no difference. In a survey by Men’s Health of over 100 women, 70 percent cited girth to be preferred over length.
Of course, there really is no such thing as “perfect,” is there? Sorry to be the one to burst the bubble, but let’s be real. It’s more about what works for you. Penises, as we’ve explored in previous articles, are as unique as snowflakes; no two are exactly the same. They vary in length, size, girth, shape, texture, and color.
So, when when it comes to the perfect penis, what does this even entail? We asked Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist to help us determine what all of this hoopla really is about.
Every single body is different
And we’re not just talking about the bodies with penises. We’re talking about female bodies. If you’re looking for the magical unicorn wang, figure out what feels good for you.
“Every female is different in what feels good physically, emotionally, and sexually it will depend on individual preference. The perfect penis isn't the same for all women—it's subjective for every woman,” Overstreet says.
There isn’t a mystical penis out there waiting to be discovered; a marvelous joystick that miraculously is a one-size-fits-all for every vulva and vagina on this the planet earth. This isn’t The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. The only way to determine which penis size is the penis size that works for you is to actually take time to get to know your own body and pleasure centers.
Whether thickness or length (or whatever) are best for you will depend on your specific desires. “The thickness of the penis can allow for a wider area of stimulation of the nerve endings in the entrance of the vagina and vaginal walls,” Overstreet says. “This may increase the intensity of pleasure for females. Length can allow for deeper penetration, but is often less important than thickness for many women.”
Do you prefer a feeling of fullness? Do you enjoy a penis that can reach up to your cervix? Is there a past (or current) lover who’s unusually curved penis can manage reach your G-spot?
It’s not just the motion of the ocean
Finding the consummate penis for your specific body isn’t just about the penises themselves. There are plenty of dildos that will be your “perfect dick.” Check out these bad boys from Doc Johnson, for example. Sure, these model wieners are a little bit scary, but silicone sure does match up to porn standards more easily than natural anatomy, eh?
The point is, it isn’t just about the dick, it’s about the person attached to the dick. “The best one for you will be the person you feel the most sexually confident [with], experience the most pleasure, and [makes you] feel comfortable being yourself,” Overstreet says.
Think about your partner. Their penis is great not only because it’s pretty, but because you love them. When you have an emotional, love connection with your spouse, their penis becomes more perfect to you. Well, at least that’s the hope.
If you put a bunch of pressure on a male partner’s penis, something he cannot control, it really won’t be perfect ever, ever in the history of ever. Why? Who is going to stay hard if they think their penis is inadequate? Be serious.
A big dick does not mean you know how to use it
We cannot stress this enough: BIGGER DOES NOT ALWAYS MEAN BETTER. This is a simple. cold, hard fact. Pun intended.
“Many women find a bigger penis very painful, which can lead to soreness or even not being able to continue sex at that time,” Overstreet tells us. A bigger penis can be harder to work around, no matter how aroused you are or how much lube you use.
Having a ginormous peen does not mean you magically have the ability to deliver earth-shattering vaginal orgasms (not even a thing most of the time for the vast majority of women, by the way). You need to have skills.
The thing that matters most during sex: Focus on the clitoris. We’re talking oral and manual stimulation of the external clitoris. When having intercourse, the penis rarely (if ever) stimulates the clitoris enough to deliver an orgasm. “What matters is if he is focused on your pleasure and his participation in helping you enjoy the experience. This focus has nothing to do with penis size,” adds Overstreet.
If you have a partner that cares about your pleasure, is open to sexual exploration, and whose top priority is making you come in ways that actually work for you—they already have the perfect everything.