Every week, we give our readers a glimpse inside the mindset of a guy's brain on weddings with the help of the hilarious and smart editors at The Plunge. For their latest installment, they're sharing the four things men just don't understand about wedding planning.
We want to help, we really do, but our brains can only process a certain amount and type of wedding related information. For all the things we're great at planning, there's a whole mess of things we just do not and will not ever understand. Unless you think we sound sexy when we go, "Huh?" you might want to temper expectations when trying to discuss any of the following with us:
The color scheme
Lilac, lavender, periwinkle — what is that, like boysenberry? You say these words are names of colors and we're sure you're not lying, but we have no idea what the difference is between any of them. Just answer this: Will my black tux match? Good, we now understand everything we're ever going to about colors. Seriously, though, it's beautiful.
The flowery language
Roses are one of maybe two or three flowers we could name with any confidence as to what they look like. Whatever else you have on your list we only hear as "pretty flower." Which is fine, by the way. We have every confidence you and the florist will design gorgeous arrangements and decorations that perfectly complement the venue, surroundings, and flecks of hazel in your eyes. We'll just never be able to imagine what they will look like until we actually see them, at which point we'll say to you, "Pretty flower."
You paid what for your dress? We got our first car for less than that! Why do we have to rent the chairs? There's plenty of free grass for everyone! Photography costs how much? My buddy has a sweet DSLR — and for a case of beer he'll let us keep all the original files! Look, we can't begrudge you any of these expenses if that's how much this stuff is supposed to cost. We're just more used to buying tangible things like whiskey and deodorant. We have no frame of reference for how much it should cost to have someone live paint a tableau of our wedding night. What the hell is a tableau anyway?
Boutonniere? Can't spell it, sounds French.
Bustle? There's one in your hedgerow.
Fondant? Fon-don't know what the heck you're talking about.
Escort card? Good luck explaining that one to your man. In fact, go ahead and try, we'll wait.
Okay, we're not perfect and we'll be the first to admit it, but just because we don't understand something doesn't mean we don't care. So when you're face-palming yourself, walking away speechless, or just shaking your head wondering how anyone could be that clueless, just know that if it's important to you it's important to us. Even if the only response we can muster is a nod of approval and a blank stare.
Even if they don't seem super involved in the wedding-planning process, grooms are going through the same life-changing experience as their brides-to-be. Enter: The Plunge. The site helps the engaged guy navigate his wedding from a man's point of view.