Let’s face it: modern weddings are built for extroverts. From the photo shoots to the first dance to the personalized hashtags, they can feel like they’re all about being out there, connecting with people, and making yourself the star of the day. And that works—for some of us. But it definitely doesn’t work for everyone. There are a lot of introverts and more private people out there who don’t feel comfortable with being the center of attention—but that doesn't mean that they can’t have an amazing, joyful wedding day.
Because for many of us—myself included—the idea of standing up in front of my friends and family to exchange vows makes us break out in hot sweats. The idea of having to pose for photos with all eyes on me is gut-wrenching. But then, I wouldn’t feel weird about dancing the night away in front of people I loved—everyone’s different. The good news is that it’s your wedding, you can personalize it, tailor it, and arrange it to meet your needs. You’re in control. So if you're an introverted or shy bride, don't feel pulled by tradition or Pinterest—make it about you.
Here’s what you need to remember.
You Can Have As Much Privacy As You Need
First of all, a lot of weddings are so “Me, me, me!” that it’s easy to think you have to spend the entire day under a spotlight—you don’t. You really, really don’t. Now, not all introverts are shy, but many of them are—so if that describes you, make your privacy a priority. Private vows or a small reception can make you feel more comfortable and safe. Hell, even eloping is an option, if that’s what feels best to you.
You Can Factor In Alone Time And Time With Your Partner
Introverts need alone time to recharge—so give yourself that gift. Especially on your wedding day, with so much social draining, factor in times that are just for you. Even 10 minutes here and there will give you time to reset and feel ready to enjoy the rest of your day. If you want, factor in time with just your partner as well—or else you can feel like the whole day flies by without ever seeing each other.
You Can Throw Tradition Out The Window—And Ignore Family Pressure
I don’t care if most people have first dances or your mother really wants you to give a speech—it’s your day. Decide, the moment you start planning, that it’s going to be on your terms. You should feel safe, happy, and content—and if that means your wedding doesn’t look at all like what your in-laws want or tradition dictates, so be it.
You Can Assign A Gatekeeper
This can be a lifesaver—and I speak from experience. Not of having a gatekeeper, but being one. When one of my introverted friends found herself very stressed on her wedding day, so I basically became her contact person. Any issues or requests came to me and then I either handled them quietly or—if I thought it was worth it—talked to her about it. I also made sure difficult family members were kept far away. If you’re feeling nervous about the social pressures of the big day, assigning someone to watch your back the entire time can save you a lot of heartache.
They make the difficult decisions for you, so you can feel guilt-free about not wanting to be cornered by Aunt Kathy for 45 minutes. Because nobody wants to be cornered by Aunt Kathy for 45 minutes...
You Can Change Your Mind On The Day
This is a really important detail that’s easy to forget—it’s your day, so you control what happens on the day. If that means that you suddenly realize you don’t want to do the first dance you planned, that’s OK. If you need an extra thirty minutes to sneak off and rest, that’s OK, too. So often we get so obsessed with adhering to the plan that we forget that it’s our plan. It’s yours to do what we want with. So remember that you can switch gears any time you feel the need.
Being the center of attention just isn’t everyone’s idea of a good time—and that’s OK. Whether you’re an introvert and need some time to recharge or you’re on the shier side and don’t want eyes on you from morning to night, you can design your wedding to make it your perfect day. It’s not about what your parents want or what your bestie did or sharing it on social media, it’s a representation of your partnership. So make it work for you.