Within every relationship is a laundry list of memories, adventures, milestones, and of course, arguments that just won’t seem to go away. Most couples have those clingy fights that come out and interrupt the flow of the relationship and no matter how many times both people agree to put an end to the disagreement, it always seems to creep back into things, usually without much warning.
Figuring out ways to keep your relationship moving forward while there are lingering fights can be tough. If you’re finding yourself fuming with frustration over how to finally ditch the common fights that keep surfacing in your relationship, here are five ways to get rid of them for good.
1. Have Weekly Progress Check-ins
One of the biggest ways to help push past the most stubborn fights you and your partner are having is to spend time communicating about them. Even if you’ve made it through an entire week without that fight knocking on your front door, having weekly check-ins to talk about progress or steps each of you are taking to work through problems before they become big fights can be helpful. That way, there’s no secret build up of tension or resentment that comes out to play in a major blowout fight down the road.
2. Head to a Couple’s Therapist
Even if the idea of going to couple’s therapy makes you feel overwhelmed, it might be a good option if you and your partner are working through common fights that you just can’t resolve. If it seems like a big step to get professional help, start by going to therapy solo first and then propose the idea of going together. Come prepared with a list of topics and issues you want to work on so that during the first session, neither of you are caught off guard.
3. Set a Fighting Deadline
When the common fight that you two spar with in your relationship comes up, set a deadline for how much back and forth you two can have before you both agree to put an end to the arguing and move on for the time being. You can set a timer on your phone or pick an hour of the day that both of you will agree to come together and drop the topic so that it doesn’t consume all of your time together.
4. Hold Each Other Accountable
As you make progress in dealing with the common fights that spring up, hold each other accountable along the way. Create a list of things each of you are going to do to flip your behavior when you’re in the middle of that popular fight. Post that list somewhere visible or store it on your phone so that you can make sure that both of you are following those new rules. Maybe it's an agreement to let the other person speak, try to see yourself in their shoes, or to leave past situations in the past.
5. Get to the Bottom of the Fight
If there are a few common fights that keep on plaguing the relationship, work together to get to the bottom of why each of those disagreements won’t go away. Is it because of something bigger and deeper like a lack of trust or respect? Or is something that can be explored more, like miscommunication or a personal insecurity? Usually, there’s something else that’s fueling those common fights. Open up a dialogue so that both people in the relationship can express what’s really and truly bothering them.