Every week, we give our readers a glimpse inside the mindset of a guy's brain on weddings with the help of the hilarious and smart editors at The Plunge. For their second weekly installment, they're debunking the myth that guys don't care about planning their own weddings.
When I got engaged, my future father-in-law told me, "Let her plan and stay out of the way." This works from an "all women are crazy" perspective, but in practice it's unfeasible and lazy.
(Please hold while I call my fiancé to make sure her father never reads this).
The problem is his advice affirms stupid gender stereotypes. Women dream of their wedding from birth and must plan everything themselves. Men won't help because sports and beer and stuff.
In truth, you don't want to plan alone and we're happy to assist because we like helping you and we actually care about stuff. So stop holding your tongue because horrible romantic comedies told you we'll resist. Ask for help and ye shall receive (at least with the following).
The Honeymoon: His Reward, Your Secret Weapon
Sun. Sand. Sex. Seclusion from your mother (okay, ours, too) — it's our dream vacation, we can't botch it. (Promise!) More importantly, rewarding us up front with the most fun job makes us more inclined to help with the tasks even bridezilla hates.
The Registry: Cupcakes and Cash
If you bake, we reap the benefits of registering for all those mixer attachments. We're also good at hacking the registry to turn other gifts into cash after you realize you don't need seven silver serving trays.
The Music: It's a Party, After All
Whether band or DJ, the entertainment must showcase our superior musical tastes while we drunkenly showcase our superior dance (and/or rap) skills. Please let us vet candidates accordingly. Also, do not let us rap.
The Food: Amouse-Bouche? That's What She Said.
Why yes, we'll gladly help plan a self-gratifying, self-indulgent, all-night feast catered to our exact expectations. (BRING ME ALL THE COCKTAIL WEENIES!)
The Booze: Oh You Fancy, Huh?
The bar must be stocked with "the good stuff" so our boys and we can act sophisticated for one night before we return to ordering whatever still comes with the wing bucket special. We also plan to raid the top shelf to supply the after party.
The Cake: Don't Fruit Dessert
We won't remember the cake-cutting song, but we'll be damned if you feed us a piece and we taste berries. It's wedding cake, not wedding salad.
(We should probably acknowledge we're listing only fun tasks, and that it's totally unfair. We aren't avoiding the other stuff, we just know décor is important to you and don't want to upset your vision. You buy that, right?)
The Guest List: We Don't Know Them, Either
See? Not all selfishly motivated! This part sucks for everyone but if figuring out how to not invite our Nana's entire bridge club prevents you having a nervous breakdown, sign us up. (Selfish footnote: We want to make sure we invite the right co-workers so we return from honeymooning with our job in tact).
The Suits: We Give a Tux
Your groom doesn't have to be Tim Gunn to know matching mint vests and ties won't fly with him or his groomsmen. Give us your honest opinion about what looks good and we'll sort the guys' details and outfits.
The Truth: "Whatever you want, honey"
We know you hate this (and that it's a backhanded way of deflecting responsibility), but even you must agree: happy wife equals happy life. Guys act less interested in this stuff than they really are so that they'll look manly around other guys who did the exact same thing for their weddings. If you ask for our help with something, most likely we'll pitch right in. Not just because we have to (even though we have to).
Even if they don't seem super involved in the wedding-planning process, grooms are going through the same life-changing experience as their brides-to-be. Enter: The Plunge. The site helps the engaged guy navigate his wedding from a man's point of view.