Talking dirty can be awkward. If it isn’t something you normally do in your partnership, transitioning into a space where you both feel comfortable saying filthy things to each other can be a bit intimidating. It’s great that you’re even broaching the topic in the first place. Good for you!
Getting down with dirty talk doesn’t have to be this super intense thing you agonize over while pretending to do work at your 9 to 5. If you embrace dirty talk for what it is—a fun thing that spices up sex—you’ll be on your way in no time.
Remember, this is someone you love and trust. There is nothing the two of you can’t say to each other…including talking about each other in nasty ways in the bedroom.
Here is a quick and simple guide to talking dirty with your partner.
Find your dirty talk style
There are three basic brackets one can fall into when it comes to dirty talk: Romantic, Cheeky and Nasty.
The romantic bracket uses poetic, flowery language. Cheeky is getting to the more sexy stuff (like talking about your partner's’ penis or vagina in an objective way). Nasty dirty talkers get really down and gritty with it, using every descriptive word in the book.
Figure out where you fall on the chart and stick to it until you’re comfortable. Most couples wind up in cheeky territory for a long while. That’s perfectly OK. Dirty talk is something you should ease into, and remember, these categories are just suggestions. Feel free to flow in and out of them as you wish.
When it comes to talking dirty, adjectives are your best friend. The more description in your dirty talk, the better. If you’re trying to talk dirty and aren’t sure where to start, simply name the body part you’re looking to describe and add on a few sexy descriptors.
Here are some adjectives you can use to start: Hard, wet, smooth, tight, long, big, hot. Easy!
When you’re lost, make some noise
Now, we all wind up in times of confusion, where our minds go blank and we can’t think of a single thing to say. When this happens, don’t panic. Just make some noise. Sexy time isn’t the library. Unless you’re trying to keep it down so your in-laws or kids don’t hear you, feel free to get weird. If something feels good, let your partner know by making affirmative sounds. It’s a big turn on.
If you want to talk dirty, but don’t necessarily want to go full NASTY, you can stick to the classics. Good examples of simple, go-to phrases: Oh yes, give it to me, YES. Easy, concise, to the point.
Describe what is happening
When all else fails, just say whatever it on your mind. Describe what is happening to your body in detail. If your partner is going down on you, talk about it. Explain out loud what he or she is doing to your clitoris. Say what feels good. Dirty talk is essentially getting out of your head and out into the open with your words.
This is a simple way to gain material. You don’t have to sit there and describe a fantasy to your partner. You can stay in the here and now. It will make things hotter. We promise.
It’s OK to laugh
Try to remind yourself going in that this is someone you love and you’re trying something new. Sex is never the perfect sexy movie scene we picture. That’s part of what makes it so interesting and fun.
If you get embarrassed and laugh, that’s really OK. Dirty talking isn’t an exact science and it doesn’t always elicit sexy feelings. It can be uncomfortable. Open yourself to the possibility that it can be both hot and silly. Maybe you told your partner you wanted to put something in her butt and that didn’t really work out. Who cares?
Don’t put up barriers and lose out on a good time just because you said something that didn’t land well. It happens to everyone.
Lean into it
The best dirty talk happens when you give into the feelings and just ride with it. Give yourself (and your partner) permission to experiment. Let yourself go in the dirty talk.
Trying new things in the bedroom is not easy. Sex isn’t something we know how to have open and honest conversations about because we were never taught these things. Don’t get wrapped up in the logistics of it all. Let go and breathe. Everything is going to be just fine.