You've no doubt read all the frou-frou advice out there about buying lingerie and putting on "sexy music" to get in the mood—but this feels pretty tired, doesn't it? And does it even work? Barely.
When you're feeling a bit on desire, it can get disheartening quickly. Instead of getting down on yourself, waiting around for your sexual spark to find you again or, gasp, giving up entirely, try some of these new ways to get in the mood for sex. There are real, hormonal and medical concerns that may need to be addressed, but this isn't always the case. Sometimes you just need a little self-seduction and a reminder that you're a vibrant, sexual goddess.
Here are 4 ways you can get yourself amped for sex, naturally.
Surround yourself with scents that turn you on
Smell is a powerful tool when it comes to horniness. Your nose and your vulva are more in-tune than you might think. When we smell something we find arousing, the pleasure centers in our brains light up. Getting ready for sex often means employing more than your sense of touch.
If you're looking for some suggestions, studies have shown that lavender and sandalwood are often among the top turn-ons for women. Try spraying your linens with a light, organic lavender spray. Burn incense to fill the room with a thicker scent. Setting the scene for yourself is a way to both relax and entice you.
Masturbate on the regular
Masturbation may seem like a counterintuitive way to get in the mood for sex, but it's actually just the thing you need. When you don't have regular orgasms, you body begins to get numb to sexual sensation. Your lack of interest in sex may be due to lack of sexual pleasure, and your lack of sexual pleasure may connected to your lack of libido. Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
Spend some time with your favorite vibrator. We don't mean six or seven minutes before you turn out the bedside lamp at night. Luxuriate with yourself. Enjoy your sexuality. Light some candles. Wear something that makes you feel hot (or get totally naked). Start by running your hands up and down your arms and thighs to ignite your body before touching your clitoris.
Treat masturbation as a form of self-care. Once you come to know and understand what makes your body tick, you'll be geared up to enjoy sex more with your spouse.
Watch or read some erotic material
Fantasy is a powerful tool for getting turned on. The problem? We often have trouble coming up with scenes out of thin air. Let's face it, we're not all that imaginative. Plus, who wants to deal with the pressures of story-time where they're just trying to get some?
To get your mind juices flowing, go ahead and lift some ideas from erotic material. Not every medium is going to do it for you (probably). Perhaps you're more of an erotica fan than a porn lover. Maybe you enjoy a visual gang-bang scene on RedTube. Whatever you like, lean into it. This may take some experimentation. Dive in. You may surprise yourself.
Do PC exercises to tone up your pelvic floor
You may have read that header and thought, "Say what now?" Don't worry. You're not alone. Not many people even know what the PC (pubococcygeal) muscles even are. Also known as Kegels, they are the cluster of muscles that control the pelvic floor. When they are strong, they can help control urinary incontinence (we know, sexy), get you more in touch with sexual pleasure, and make orgasms stronger.
When you have a weak pelvic floor, experiencing orgasm becomes much harder. So, just like you hit the gym, work out the PCs! To locate the PC muscles, stop the flow of urine when you're on the toilet. Practice tightening your PC muscles for 10 to 20 seconds and releasing. Do this 25 to 50 times per day. Another way? Get yourself some Kegel balls! We love Elvie. You can track your progress using an app. You simply pop the Kegel exerciser into your vagina, and let your PC muscles do the rest. It's the easiest gym session you'll ever have.