So you've just had a baby! Congratulations! That’s so exciting and we are so happy for you. Oh, the joys of new life.
Of course, now that you’re moms and dads (or moms and moms or dads and dads or anything in between), you're super tired all the time, stressed like you’ve never experienced in your life, and you’ll probably borderline forget what it’s like to be a sexual being. A small price to pay for bringing a new life into the world, but we’ve got you.
Don’t worry, mama. You are so not the first new mom to want both an active sex life and, like, one more minute of sleep (PLEASE, DEAR GOD, ONE MORE MINUTE!).
Intimate mutual masturbation
Getting yourself off with your partner is hot even when you’re not parents, but let’s be real, masturbating might truly be the only thing you have energy for right now. That’s completely fine. Grab your vibrator and lie back. Have your partner lie next to you. Make sure you each have a nice view of the other.
To up the intimacy, a sense which we can sometimes lose when there's a new baby in the mix, turn toward your partner and lie on your sides. Keep lots of eye contact.
You can even half role play. Describe a dirty scene that you imagine is taking place. Your partner can join in as well. This keeps you connected, but saves you from any more exhaustion.
Classic spoon, on the rocks
Ah, the spoon. Never before have we had such an incredible excuse to utilize our favorite lazy sex position. Have your partner spoon you from behind and enter you. Relax with one arm behind your head.
Grab your favorite wand vibrator and slip it between your legs. This way you can rock against the wand while simultaneously enjoying penetration. It’s an explosive orgasm with essentially no output from anyone.
Sexting up a storm
This one is especially great for moms who are taking a little time off of work (sexting is good for working moms too). If you’re on maternity leave, chances are you’re going to get bored. Sure, having a new baby is amazing and their head smells so freakin’ good, but babies are not exactly brilliant conversationalists.
While you’re doing laundry, changing the baby, warming up your breast milk, or lying down for a nap, sext your partner. Tell her how hot she looked leaving for work or how you miss that thing he does with his hand. Keeping your sex life hot isn’t always about the physical stuff. You want to be reminded you’re a sexy woman and he or she wants the same. Keep up the mental foreplay. Sending a sext takes essentially no effort.
Sideways oral sex
This is a take on your classic 69, only better. Instead of mounting your partner (or vice versa) from the top, give each other oral sex on your side. Just be sure you lift your superior leg slightly so as not to suffocate anyone.
This is an easy position for when you’re feeling frisky, but still need to keep it simple and straightforward. If this gets to be tiring, switch to mutual masturbation in the same position. It’s still very hot, and also offers an awesome, up-close view.
FaceTime chore trade-off
You’re new parents, and new parents somehow have about 10 million times more laundry and housework than non-parents. I mean, seriously, how many onesies can a new baby go through in a day?!
See more: 8 Innovative Baby Products for New Moms
While one of you is doing dishes, a load of whites, or finishing up some last minute assignments for work in the home office; FaceTime each other. Masturbate for your partner (or vice versa) from the bedroom. It’s like having your own private porno right in the comfort of your own home.