When it comes to spicing up our sex lives, it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking something brand-spanking-new is necessary. "While most people acknowledge on some level that variety is the spice of life, it can be those tried-and-true techniques that we sometimes crave," says Kat Van Kirk, certified sex therapist and author of The Married Sex Solution: A Realistic Guide to Saving Your Sex Life. "Instead of constantly feeling like we have to reinvent the wheel to keep things exciting in our relationship, it may be more realistic and even preferred to have a wider repertoire of a variety of 'moves' to which you know one or both of you will respond. Repeating things that are pleasurable is never a bad thing."
To get you started, our experts are here with five sex moves that are all-but-guaranteed to please your partner — that you can employ over and over again — without getting bored.
Madeleine Castellanos, M.D, sex therapist and author of Wanting to Want: What Kills Your Sex Life and How to Keep It Alive, explains that when it comes to sex, our brain's "centers for logical thought and problem solving have to tune down so that the arousal centers of the brain can fire unencumbered by too much thinking." In simple speak, that means that the less your partner has to think and more he has to see, the more turned on he'll be. "Use this for you and your partner's benefit," Castellanos says, by dropping the dirty talk and letting your partner get a very good look at you.
You may kiss to get things going, but do you smooch through sex? If not, Van Kirk says this is one expected move to work back into your repertoire. "No one behavior can be more arousing and create more sense of intimacy between one another," she explains. Plus, this is one go-to move you can easily mix up. "There are so many ways you can choose to kiss," says Van Kirk, "and whether it's ear nibbling, nipple sucking or neck nuzzling, nothing stimulates the release of the bonding hormone oxytocin more."
Finding the G-spot
This much argued-over area does exist, and Castellanos says it should never be ignored, no matter how many times you get down. "We already know that the clitoris is the seat of sexual pleasure for women, and the G-spot is a way to stimulate the backside of the clitoris from inside the vagina," Castellanos explains. "Learning to gently stimulate this area, especially after her arousal has started to build, will create intense pleasure on its own as well as add to external clitoral stimulation."
Incorporating a sex toy
It may have been novel the first time you whipped out a vibrator or other handheld device during sex. But it's OK to use these aids over and over again, Van Kirk says, if it works and works well. "Having a tried-and-true sex toy that you use on a regular basis can sometimes mean the difference between an orgasm or going without," she says. "Be open and don't feel inhibited about initiating it into play. If it works, it works."
Focusing on foreplay
Don't skip or skimp on this crucial step to sex just because it's been done before, says Castellanos. "Both men and women benefit from the effects of foreplay," she says. "Not only does it create a psychological state of high anticipation that is stimulating on its own, but increases the release of oxytocin, which is crucial for erections and arousal. Don't get lazy with foreplay — kissing, caressing, stroking — because it's the surest way to foster stronger orgasms and pleasure."
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