Hand stuff is having a moment. That's right, we said it. Fingering: It’s the not-so-new media sweetheart of the here and now. There is a scene in the new TV adaptation of Sharp Objects where Amy Adams won’t let her male suitor kiss or touch her, but instead puts his hand down her pants, letting him rub her off to completion. And there is no reciprocation at all.
It’s weirdly hot. And by weirdly we mean very … and we’re not apologizing. Hand sex is basically the high school hookup trend that we never really liked that much because no one knew what they were doing. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be totally hot.
We have the guide on how to do it right and how to have an orgasm, instead of, you know, the sore clitoris you remember as a 15 year old.
Here is everything you didn’t know about hand sex when you were a freshman in the back of that movie theatre.
Remember that time you were fingered at that high school party by that one person that one time? Do you recall it being uncomfortable and perhaps even resulting in rug-burn? What 17-year-old Jimmy didn’t know was that lube is an absolute must during hand sex.
The fingers against a clitoris (or inside a vagina) require a barrier and some extra lubrication to not feel like sandpaper pushed up against your nether regions. Always generously lube up your partner’s fingers and the clitoris before moving forward.
Stick with consistent movements
Much like with oral sex, hand sex will most likely deliver an orgasm when your partner moves in a consistent motion over the glans clitoris. Unlike oral sex, the fingers may need to be a bit more gentle. If you press down too hard, it can become uncomfortable.
Have your partner use his or her pointer and middle fingers to make clockwise circles around the clitoris. If it feels good, keep going. Listen to your body and don’t be afraid to ask for something else if it isn’t working for you. You can try moving the fingers up and down, side to side, or in a figure eight.
Use the clitoral hood as a barrier
Your clitoral hood is a savior during hand sex. It is the flap of skin that drapes over the glans clitoris. If you take a hand mirror and look between your legs, you’ll see the hood. It protects the clitoris just like foreskin protects the head of the penis.
Using the hood as a barrier between fingers and clitoris can be a godsend. The clitoral glans are often too sensitive for direct touch. Take a peak and be sure the hood is safely over the clitoris. It may help to use a more grounded, deep motion when rubbing the clitoris and hood at the same time.
Tease the vaginal opening
The clitoris is essential in orgasm, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be the only place you explore during hand sex. The very front of vaginal opening is packed full of nerves. The bottom of the opening, called the fourchette, is an excellent place to tease and touch.
Try pressing your fingers around the vaginal opening. Perhaps slip a finger inside.
Don’t stop there, touch and tease the labia. Perhaps you’d enjoy some gentle tugging. Your labia cover the internal legs of the clitoris. They are quite pleasure-packed. Try different things and see what works for your body. We’re a long way from some guy hand-slamming you in the back of your mom’s car circa 2003.
You can move back to the clitoris, but offering some variety is very sexy.
Try G-spot stimulation
The G-spot is less of a spot and more of an area. Put one two fingers inside of the vagina and hook up behind the pubic bone. You can try pinpointed pressure or move the fingers around for more sweeping pleasure.
Not every woman enjoys internal stimulation, but engaging the G-spot stimulates the apex of the clitoris, the backend you can’t see. Try having your partner use the top of their palm to push against the glans clitoris on the outside while the touch the G-spot with their fingers.
Add in some deep kissing and nipple stimulation
When you’re receiving hand sex, it can be unclear (and maybe even a bit anxiety inducing) to know what you’re supposed to be doing with the rest of your body. This is a fabulous chance to up the intimacy factor.
While your partner rubs your clitoris (or internally stimulates you), indulge in some deep, passionate kissing. This can up the ante big time on everything you’re feeling. Plus, kissing enforces feelings of safety, which is crucial in experiencing orgasm.
Another option? Have your partner lick, suck, or tease your nipples with their free hand. The same part of the brain lights up when both the clitoris and nipples are touched. Combining the two can be explosive.
Communicate with your partner
Possibly the most important thing of all is to communicate with your partner. Let them know what feels good and what doesn’t. Don’t just lie there and pretend to enjoy something that feels uncomfortable, not particularly pleasurable, or painful.
Hand sex can be very hot. Talk about what is working for you and allow your partner the room to improve their skills. Be empathetic, be loving, and have orgasms.