There is no end to tips on having sex at your parents or in-laws house. qWe're here to tell you: Ignore everything you’ve seen—we have everything you need to know (and none of the fluff).
Thanksgiving is an even more special case when it comes to discrete sex: It’s not just your parents who are home, but most of your other family is around, too.
Does that mean you shouldn’t have sex? Of course not. Do whatever you want. Simply do it respectfully and with care. This is the season of giving and that include orgasms.
Here are some very helpful tips for having sex at your in-laws house this Thanksgiving. See, the turkey isn’t the only thing getting stuffed!
Come up with a genuine excuse
You know, one that doesn’t sound like a blatant lie. Avoid things that will make your older brother say, “Are you guys just going to go have sex. Ew.”
Don’t tell your parents you’re going to “unpack” or go “grab something upstairs.” These things take approximately no time to complete. Why would you even be fully unpacking for a long weekend? That might be your thing, but it sounds far-fetched to us.
A good excuse is always a “nap.” Say you’re tired from traveling or had a really long week at work and would love to lay down for a little bit. This way, your in-laws won’t come upstairs looking for the two of you for at least an hour. Don’t get elaborate with your lies. Keep them simple and chill. You don’t need to be answering 20 questions when you’re just trying to get some booty.
Check the lock
Do not have sex in a room that doesn’t have a lock on it. If it does not have a lock, but is the room you’re staying in, put a chair under the door. This is very important. The last thing that you need on this joyous family filled holiday is your mother-in-law seeing your bare booty (though we do have a guide for getting through that particular mishap right here!).
Check the door. Be sure it’s secure. Sex is a private thing (well, most of the time *wink wink*) and your in-laws don’t need to know it’s going down in their house. Sure, you’re adults and we’re positive they probably know you’re having sex with your spouse, but you don’t need them actively thinking about it, right?
Keep it quiet
Keep the loud, sheet scratching, orgasmic screaming for another time. You have your own home where you and your spouse live. Today is not the day to let loose and come your face off for the whole world to hear.
Can you even imagine your parents downstairs, chopping veggies for the stuffing together and suddenly they hear their daughter-in-law screaming, “YES! YES! GIVE IT TO ME!” That is probably one of the most disturbing mental pictures ever.
Now, they could be super sex-positive or they could be conservative—this does not matter. No matter their views on sex, they do not want to think about their child taking their wife on a one-way trip to Pound Town while preparing a lovely meal.
Sex can be sweet and sensual and hot. Go with that theme for this Thanksgiving holiday. Please.
Don’t get too acrobatic
In that same vein, don’t get too wild with the sex positions. Keep them simple. Go for missionary, cowgirl, spooning, etc. Don’t be putting your legs over your partner's shoulders so they can lift you from the hips for that deep cervix-deep penetration. Now is not the time for that.
We get it, you’re horny. But keep it easy. You have plenty of time to get gnarly in doggy-style after the weekend. Trust us, you can hear the bed sliding from downstairs when you’re getting it that hard from behind. No joke.
Quickies are hot if you do them right
Quickies can be amazing if you’re not into the slower sex or don’t feel like doing it slowly and sweetly. That's OK. We all have our things we’re into.
A quickie does not mean you forget clitoral stimulation, foreplay, or other things you need to get properly stimulated for sex. You just do them quickly (get it). Make it even hotter by keeping your lounge clothes on to have sex. Just pull down the necessary clothing items. This can be extremely hot.
There is something delicious about having sex when you’re really not supposed to be having sex. Go forth, get it on, and happy trails.