Should You Have a Closure Call With Your Ex Before the Wedding?

It all depends on where you stand

Updated 06/18/18

Stocksy

It’s completely normal that, as you are about to take the next step with the love of your life, you take a glance back at old relationships and examine what went wrong.

As you’re thinking about an ex, or even your most recent ex, you might start to wonder if it would be a good idea to reach out to them before your big day and seek some sort of closure. You might have ended the relationship on a bad note and it's been weighing on you, or you might just want to have a chat with them if they continually contact you, that you can’t have them in your life anymore.

Either way, before dialing their number, consider the following five questions so that you can make the best decision on whether or not a closure call with your ex is a smart move before your wedding day.

1. When’s the Last Time You Chatted?

If chatting with your ex is something you do regularly, it might not be an out of the blue thing to give them a ring and find closure if that’s what is missing before your wedding day. But if you haven’t heard the sound of their voice since your breakup and you haven’t responded to any of their reach outs so far, having a closure call might not be something you want to do. Take into consideration what your last communication was with each other. If it went well, then picking up the phone to let them know that you’re officially moving on and what that means for that person (they should stop contacting you or make moves toward being friends).

2. What’s Your Status With That Person?

How do the two of you feel about each other? If you still chat here and there, but haven’t resolved the end of your relationship, you might want to have that conversation so that you can put a period on that story. If you ended on bad terms and want to clear the air so that you can start your marriage off without having past love baggage looming in your mind, then it might be worth it to communicate once more with your ex to clear the air. But if you haven’t spoken to your ex in a long time, and you ended the relationship on the mutual agreement that it just wasn’t meant to be, then there might not be a reason to reach out at all.

3. Would You Tell Your Fiancé?

Having a closure call might be something that’s very important to you so that you can move on and not feel anxious on your wedding day thinking about your ex potentially crashing the wedding and screaming “I object” during the ceremony. Before you do have that chat with you ex, decide on if you feel comfortable letting your fiancé know that you’re going to have this conversation. How do they feel about you communicating with that person? How do you feel about potentially doing it and not telling your fiancé? Consider both of those things before reaching out.

4. What’s the Goal of the Convo?

Have a strong goal in mind before embarking on the call with your ex. If it’s to rehash the past and come out as the person who did no wrong, having that call might not be worth it or yield those results. If your goal of the call is to just let them know that you apologize for hurting them and forgive them for hurting you, and you end it on a mature note, then it might be worth it to pursue that call. Plan out not only what the purpose of the call is going to be but also what you will talk about so that there’s no awkward silence, fierce fights, or extreme rage that happens when you step back into your ex’s life.

5. Have You Had a Reality Check?

Before you feel fully convinced that this call is something you should have, make sure that you’ve had a reality check. Ask people closest to you in your life who also know this ex if this is a good idea or not. They might be waving cautionary flags in front of your face and let you know a list of reasons why you should absolutely not do this. It might be worth it to listen to them or at least take into consideration why they feel this isn’t a good idea.

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