Don’t believe what your grandma told you; getting married does not mean sex is all missionary position and zero oral. Newlywed sex is exciting, sexy, and hot—and married sex will continue to be insanely amazing for the rest of your lives, as long as you stay conscious of your sex life and keep an open mind.
Just because you’re married now doesn’t mean sex gets stale. If you continuously stoke that passion, married sex can seriously be the best sex of your entire life. Here are seven tips for the best newlywed sex you and your partner have ever dreamed of. And let’s face it: When you’re super into someone, the sex is always awesome anyway.
Keep Foreplay Poppin’
Take time to explore each other’s bodies and make each other feel good before you have sex. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you stop giving and reciving oral sex, enjoying sexy massages, hand jobs, and full-body kissing. Foreplay brings you closer and keeps the passion on point.
When you’re married for a while, you tend to fall into a routine. Don’t let busy schedules and a scattered mind keep you from enjoying sex to the fullest extent. Obviously, there will be quickies and foreplay doesn't have to be a priority 100 percent of the time, but it is important, so don't let it fall by the wayside.
Show Up for Your Partner
We know life can get busy and stressful, and setting aside time for sex can get lost, even if you're still in that hazy honeymoon phase. It's a critical component of happy marriages to let your partner know that including time for sex is a priority—regular sex helps foster your bond and keep emotional intimacy intact. Even if you both have busy lives and are understandably beat at the end of the day, don't take your sex life for granted—maybe set your alarm a little early and have a morning romp in the hay. However you choose to make the time, make sure you are doing just that—making the time.
Communicate Your Fantasies
Ask and thou shalt receive. When you’re married, you have a deep level of trust and have the ability to try new positions and fantasies. Tell your partner what you want to try or what moves feel especially good for you.
Create a space where the two of you can have an open and honest discussion about what you enjoy sexually, without judgment. These desires may change over the years and that’s great. An open gateway of discussion allows each of you will get what you want out of your sex life for years to come. There are truly no limits.
Grab a Toy
Now that you’re married, you are primed to set up a truly fantastic sex toy collection. Sex toys are an awesome addition to sex and help guarantee that you have an orgasm every single time you have sex.
Don’t be intimidated—there are so many fun toys to choose from! You can start small, and work your way up to more adventurous pleasure products (butt plugs? nipple clamps?).
Trust us, nothing is more fun than watching your partner grab your tool box and excitedly choose his or her gear for the evening.
Don’t let aftercare slip out of focus. Make sure you tend to your partner’s needs (and he or she to yours) after playtime is over. Cuddle, kiss, and talk about what you enjoyed about the experience. Skin to skin contact will help the two of you feel close, because keeping intimacy fruitful between partners ensures healthier partnerships.
Obviously a hot sex life is great, but you want to take time to check in and make sure your partner has everything he or she needs out of your sex life on an emotional level.
Watch Porn Together
Every couple has different ideas about porn. Many are very into it, some couples watch it separately, and others aren’t into it at all.
Watching porn together as a couple is hot for a number of reasons: It allows you to learn more about your partner’s fantasies, it is super sexy to watch your partner get into it (and they you), and you can each have an orgasm without a lot of effort (since we know sex can be exhausting sometimes).
Porn is an optimal couple’s activity because it feels like a naughty and taboo sexual adventure that the two of you can experience together.
Don’t Be Afraid of Kink
Kink is a lot easier in a long-term relationship or marriage than it is between two random, untrained strangers. Marriage is a safe place to experience your most explicit fantasies. After all, you trust your partner immensely so why not try some kinky stuff? Above all, kink takes a lot of trust and a willingness to explore.
If you’re going to let someone tie you up or spank you with a paddle, it may as well be your husband or wife.
Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in NYC. Her work has appeared on Elle, Teen Vogue, Glamour, Allure, Marie Claire, AskMen, and Bustle.