Bachelorette parties are arguably the most fun of all the pre-wedding events. It’s a time for the bride and her ‘maids to finally stop stressing over the guest list and the dress and let loose. However, if there was one party that doesn’t need to be attended by your whole squad its the bachelorette—especially when they have a good excuse.
One bridesmaid recently took to Reddit to explain the situation that puts her, unfortunately, right in the middle of this predicament. On top of being a bridesmaid to a clearly demanding bride, this 'maid has a sick family member on her plate too. “A close relative of mine is in hospital dying of cancer right now and has been given days to live,” she wrote. “He is my family’s only priority right now and we are all devastated, he is suffering awfully and we spend our days in the hospital almost waiting for him to be put out of his misery.”
This unfortunate situation is happening at the same time as her friend's “hen do,” which is just a cheeky British word for a bachelorette party, and at this point in time, the bridesmaid just isn’t up for one.
“The hen night will be party games at my friends house (with drinks bought by bridesmaids, to keep costs down), a meal out, and then clubbing afterwards,” she continued. “I in no way want to attend, I can’t think of anything worse right now than hosting a group of 14 guests and acting happy when I’ve spent the last week crying, and spending my evening in a club full of drunk people.”
When she tried to explain the situation to the bride, things didn’t go as planned. While the bride was understanding, she made it very clear that this ‘maids attendance was mandatory. Period.
The post continued: “I’ve called bride tonight to try to hint I may not be able to attend and hoped she’d understand. She lost her dad a few years ago to cancer, she knows the impact it has. She was supportive in the conversation but also said as long as I’ve organized and attend the hen, then she’s happy. She’s not even considering the possibility of me not attending.”
The post included an update that the bride's response had “no mention of doing what is best for me, just insistence that she knows going out will be good for me.”
The bridesmaid already has confirmation from her boyfriend and family that this bride is being completely unreasonable, but she posed the question, “Is she being a selfish bridezilla for still wanting me to attend or am I being unreasonable?” to Reddit anyway.
Some agreed that this bride was being unfair. “Not selfish or unreasonable at all,” one person replied. “Sure, she has a right to be disappointed, it’s a bummer, but absolutely no right to be angry or demand that you attend. She should be nothing but understanding, especially due to her dad passing. If she doesn’t, she isn’t a good friend.”
While this person is on the bridesmaid’s side, many thought she put herself in this situation for not being more direct with the bride and straight up saying she won’t be at the party.
“At this point she is not being a bridezilla because you only hinted that you don’t want to go,” one person said. “You need to straight up say that you will not be going.”
The lesson learned here? It might be the bride’s special time, but your own mental health and needs should never come second to hers just because she is getting married.