6 People Get Real About What It's Actually Like to Be in an Arranged Marriage

These types of marriages are more common than you think

Updated 03/28/17

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Most Americans in this day and age are turning to Tinder or local bars in the hopes of finding the love of their life. But even today, men and women all over the world are being set up by their parents in what is all-too-commonly known as an arranged marriage. If the thought of having your parents choose a viable partner for you makes your skin crawl, you're probably not alone. But thanks to a new thread on Reddit, you may just change your mind about the benefits of arranged marriages.

Rosyregrets recently posed the question, "Redditors in arranged marriages, what is it really like?" Here's what people who have lived in this situation had to say:

"Met my husband on the 9th, agreed to marry him on the 15th, and were wed on the 20th. Literally said about two words to each other, and that was with five members of his family present. Been together 13+ years. It had its ups and downs, like I imagine any marriage would — arranged or not. We are very good together. He tries to makes me happy in any way he can. We are very good friends and I love him, of course. I haven't had any experience with any other relationships so whatever I feel for him is what love is to me!" -Kittiesandunicorns

  • "[I] first met my wife-to-be in Chandigarh, India. My grandfather and her father were both in the army and had been posted there, so our respective families had a get-together. This was right after I had graduated college (she was still in high school). I don't remember much, we both said 'hi' to each other but that's about it. Around this time our families started the 'process', for lack of a better term. After a year of dating, we got married in Andhra Pradesh Telangana. We knew each other relatively well at this point. We've been married for close to twenty years. Both of us are very happy in our marriage. Obviously nothing is 100 percent perfect, we argue from time to time like any other couple. But she's been a supportive, wonderful companion for all of those years and I like to think I've been the same." -city-of-stars
  • "I'm American born, but balanced that line between Indian and American. For American boys, I was too Indian. For Indian boys, I was too American. Never officially dated and studied a lot. Went through countless meetings with boys from Indian matrimonial sites and never clicked with anyone. As I reached my 30s, the pressure started to mount. I had pretty much given up on finding someone and had grown content with my work and small group of friends. My father sent me a random profile and said he wanted me to look at it.

    I was not at all interested. So, I pretended to be my dad and sent an email to his dad. His dad (who ended up being him) responded to my dad (me) that we should talk. So, I send an email to the guy and wait to hear back. A month goes by and I'm like ok, f*ck you then. Then, I get an email on the first of the new year in 2010. It's him. He wanted to start the year off with me. We talk on email for a bit. Then, the phone. Visit in February. Married in March. We have a 6-year-old son and he and my husband are my world.

    So, quasi arranged. And, I'm so grateful to my father for finding this man for me." -extremely_apathetic

  • "I am 27 [and] my wife is 26. We are both doctors and we had an arranged marriage. I may be biased, but I think at least for me this has worked out better. I had many social issues and a really low self worth. I got matched to a really lively girl. I panicked when it started and I nearly ended the engagement because I thought we were so different, how could this ever work? What I was not expecting was how much I would fall in love with her. She awakened my sleeping lively side. She brings joy and fun to my life to the extent that I get depressed if I don't see her face in the morning. I love her totally. If I had been left to my own devices I would never have thought myself good enough for her. Now our life is looking up as I just got a residency and I tend to think that is due to the luck brought to me by her." -Drdontlittle
  • "My parents arranged an engagement with one of their friend's daughters. It was an international arrangement so it was a pretty complicated state of affairs with a lot of paperwork. So we got to know each other over a year while the paperwork was getting done. All in all it's been pretty great, definitely not without the typical relationship issues. What's really nice about it though is that our whole family is approving of the relationship so there's a lot of support all around." - Chupachub

  • "My marriage was [sort of] against my wishes. I just wanted to finish college first. In my community, girls get married between 18-21 and guys between 24-30. I was already 22 and my parents were freaking out. I agreed to engagement but not the wedding until I [had] finished fifth year of dental college. I come home for Christmas vacation and my parents don't let me go back. Like, they physically restrained me. I threatened to tell my now-husband and his family that I was being forced to marry and for that I was beaten up badly. I never went back to college. I texted with SO for a few months. The first time I saw him was at the engagement. Technically it was nikah, which meant we were married legally and religiously, but is treated as engagement. The wedding reception happened a year later after which we lived as husband and wife. I am happy with the man I married, but I am not happy with the way it happened. We are 1.5 years into our marriage now. At first everything was silently a compromise for me, but now I love him and can't imagine being married to anyone else." -NinjaPyjama
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