Pippa Middleton's wedding to James Matthews was the picture of perfection, from her showstopping Giles Deacon dress and the ever-adorable Prince George and Princess Charlotte to the vintage getaway car that made for a flawless picture. But even the royals-once-removed were not immune to a best-man speech gone rogue — complete with cringeworthy jokes that would certainly make the Queen blush.
Best man Justin Johannsen took the mic at Pippa and James' wedding shortly after 11:30 P.M., according to the Daily Mail, after enjoying a five-course meal (and perhaps some cocktails?) at the reception held at the Middleton estate. And while the evening's guest list was strictly controlled via previously determined passwords, the speeches were apparently not preapproved — as Johannsen's was full of several borderline-inappropriate jokes.
The cliché cracks started innocently enough. "I'm not married. But I took a girl home, my mother didn't like her. Took another girl home and my mother still didn't like her. So I went out and picked a girl that looked like my mother, took her home, and my father didn't like her," Johannsen began. Ba-dum, tsss.
Then came the awkward bedroom jokes. "With the wedding shadowed in secrecy, I can reveal and wish the bride and groom a happy honeymoon in North Wales," Johannsen said. "At least, that's where I presume they are going, as I heard Spencer saying that after the wedding, he was going to Bangor for two weeks. Enjoy the Welsh coast, guys." (Get it?)
And Johannsen even commented on Middleton's backside, made famous by her figure-hugging bridesmaid gown for Kate Middleton's wedding to Prince William. "Now to the love of James' life: beautiful, energetic, loyal, soft-mouthed, comes on command, great behind," Johannsen quipped. "But that is enough about James' spaniel, Rafa, I'm here to talk about James' love, Pippa."
The jokes, according to the Daily Mail, were met with "polite titters." But the best man speech did have its redeeming moments, with thoughtful sentiments shared about the bride and groom. "I think I can say for everyone that you look stunning. The image of perfection," Johannsen said to Middleton. "I know that James first fell in love with your gutsiness and your spirit and then succumbed to your beauty. You make James extremely happy."
"You have a voir la joie that warms the hearts of everyone who knows you, and you have won the heart of the best man that I know," he added, before introducing the couple for their first dance. Awww.
The lovely evening, held in a Belgium-imported expansive glass greenhouse, continued on without a hitch, complete with an aerial acrobatic performance and an impromptu Beatles sing-along. In other words, the bad best man jokes will be nothing but a blip in this stunning wedding's highlight reel.