When it comes to sexual fantasies, we deal with a lot of red tape. There is so much rhetoric out there calling our “taboo” imaginary scenarios sexual deviancy and evidence of our perversion. If you get turned on by anything other than vanilla sex with your monogamous partner, you must be depraved.
Reality check: This is not at all true.
We all have sexual fantasies, and they are varied and range from the lightest to the darkest extremes, much like human sexuality itself. You don’t have to beat yourself up over thinking about something you imagine is “wrong.” It’s not bad at all.
There is nothing wrong with thinking or imagining sexual scenarios outside of the box, under the box, over it, or inside of it with multiple other boxes. Here are 15 totally normal (and, honestly, super hot) sexual fantasies.
Sex in public
Ever thought about having sex in a park, under a bypass, or on a public bus? Exhibitionism is perfectly normal, and many of us have thought about it (and tried it). The thrill of possibly getting caught or in trouble is a major turn-on. You’re not weird for thinking about it. PS: If you want to take this fantasy into the real world, here’s our guide.
Sometimes we think about having sex as someone else while playing a part. Perhaps you think about your partner coming to your door as a handyperson, there to fix your pipes. Role play encompasses a wide variety of dressing up sex games, such as cosplay. It varies from person to person, and even from day to day.
Tying your partner up
Bondage, sensory deprivation, and any other form of physical restriction is a big fantasy for many people. It’s about power dynamics: the giving and receiving of control. Getting tied up immobilizes you and takes away your means of “escape.” Having your control taken away (consensually) can be very hot because it’s taboo. Does it have to do with wanting to be a fairy princess trapped inside of a tower, waiting for your hero/heroine to save you? That is totally possible. (Here’s our guide to trying kink, wink, wink.)
Like bondage, spanking (whether you’re giving or receiving) is a play on power. The desire to be spanked during sex often comes from a raw place of animal passion, wanting sex to be painful and sensual all at once. It sends shocks through you, which can be very erotic. The area of the brain that processes pleasure is very close to that which processes pain. It makes sense that the two would go hand in hand.
Sex with someone of the same gender (or opposite)
Whether you’re gay, straight, bisexual, something in between, or none of the above, having sex with someone you’re not typically attracted to is not abnormal. After all, when it comes to sex, nothing is off limits (as long as no one is getting hurt). We may have this fantasy because we know we’d never act on it in real life, or maybe we’ve always been curious.
Sex on vacation (or in any unusual location)
Sex in unusual locations often tops the lists of sexual fantasies. My personal favorite is a private island with Idris Elba, but we all have our quirks. Our normal sexual routines can get a bit stale, and often we fantasize about things, places, and people that are larger than life in order to spice things up a little.
Sex around the house
Who hasn’t thought about having sex while the washer is on the spin cycle? The bedroom is great. It was built for sex. Yet, that can add to monotony. Fantasizing about having sex around the house is totally normal—and doable, by the way. (We’ve got a great guide right here.)
Sex with an ex (whether you hate them or not)
Whatever your feelings may be about your ex, we can assure you that having sex fantasies about them is not unusual. No, it doesn’t mean you’re still in love with them. Don’t freak out. When you’re having sex with an ex in your fantasy, a number of things can be going on: You’re reliving a certain time in your life, he or she is an easy person to think of because you know them so well, you’re projecting your own self-image, etc. Even if you’ve thought of an ex while with your current partner, it’s all OK.
Sex with someone other than your partner
Speaking of fantasizing about someone else while with your partner, cheating fantasies top the charts for most common fantasies. The thing is, we often sexualize and eroticize behaviors we’d never engage in in real life. In some cases, you may want to act on a certain fantasy; in others, they live in your imagination. Cheating is likely one of those things. It’s something you know is bad, and therefore it turns you on.
Cuckolding, when your partner is having sex with someone else, has had some recent fame over the last few months. Conservatives love to use the word “cuck” as an insult, but it’s actually a very common sexual fantasy. (And let’s be real, I’ll bet the old boys in the GOP love this one.) The idea of having your partner sleep with someone else in front of you is thrilling, humiliating, and a sexual force for many. This is a multilayered fantasy, and the reasons some of us like it are varied.
Domination and submission
Being dominated, or having your partner dominate you, comes from that same power dynamic/struggle we talked about with bondage fantasies. Having your partner take control can be very sexy. It is also hot to take control. Oftentimes, we want to be the dominant or submissive person in bed when we don’t play that role in life. It’s also perfectly common to play dom in life and in bed. (Here’s our guide to asking for domination in the bedroom.)
Have you ever gotten turned on by the thought of watching your partner with someone else? Or even being in the next room while two people have sex, friend or stranger? Having sexual fantasies about being on the outside looking in is very common. It’s about getting aroused by the idea of seeing but not being allowed to touch, or watching something you shouldn’t be seeing.
Sex with someone famous
Having sex with celebrities is common for us all. When you’re watching television shows and movies full of gorgeous people, how could you not imagine being with them? It helps us break away from our normal routine and think outside of the box.
Sex with a stranger
You think about picking up some person in a bar. You don’t even know their name. No complications, no emotional entanglements. No one ever knows what happened. Sleeping with someone you don’t know is taboo. It doesn’t fit with the social script of dating, sex, and love. The thrill of that anonymity is fiery and empowering.
Having a threesome or gangbang
No matter how your group-sex fantasy plays out, we can assure you it is a favorite for lots of people. Gangbang porn is one of the most popular categories on PornHub. We love the idea of being taken passionately by multiple people. Wanting to be wanted is a natural human desire. You may or may not act on your desire to have sex with multiple people at once, but it’s no wonder you think about it. (Here’s our guide to talking about threesomes with your partner if you want to take this into real life.)