As soon as that ring slips on your finger, the questions begin: When’s the wedding? Have you picked a venue yet? How many guests are you having? Who’s going to be the officiant? How big is your bridal party? Have you found your dress yet?
People ask these things only out of excitement and happiness for you, but it doesn’t always feel that way. In fact, all of this interest in what is a deeply personal decision-making process can feel like a lot of pressure. It makes you feel pushed to know what kind of wedding you want before you’re even used to wearing the rock on your left hand. You feel pestered to make major, complicated and very expensive decisions quickly, just to have answers to your family and friends' enthusiastic queries. Before long, you’re snippy and defensive: “We don’t know yet!”
Our advice? Stay in the “we don’t know yet” stage for a while — but without the snippiness and defensiveness. We want to help you linger in the sweetness of being newly engaged. Before you get bogged down in the budgets and guest lists and your two families' different expectations, tastes and financial situations, just be here; be present in this new and important stage of your life.
Sounds great, but how do you stop the questions from coming? Deflect. Deflect. Deflect.
When the questions start, say something like, “Yes, we’re so excited and so happy to be engaged! We’re just enjoying this stage as we start to figure things out.” Simple.
See More: How Short Is Too Short of an Engagement?
When they push for specifics, respond with, “We’re looking at lots of options, and we want the families to meet before we get specific.” Simple yet vague.
If they still don’t get the hint that you have no concrete plans and are not wanting to share your vision, it’s time to deflect, deflect, deflect. Say something like, “I love that we don’t have to make any decisions right away. Tell me, Nosy Noserson, what did you love at your wedding? What have you seen that you thought was really cool? I’d love to hear your thoughts.”
People love, love, love to talk about themselves and their ideas, and pulling this move is an easy way to get them off of the topic of your wedding. You can even take notes on your phone. (Whether you look at them ever again is totally up to you.) At the very least, you’ve bought yourself space and time from all of the inquiries to simply enjoy being engaged.