Welcome to Sexual Healing, a new monthly column where sexologist Anka Radakovich dives deep into your most intimate issues with advice and tips to help you live your best sex life. Have a question for Anka? Drop us a line (no fear, we'll keep it anonymous) at firstname.lastname@example.org.
My husband can't seem to last during intercourse more than 2 or 3 minutes. It is quite frustrating and doesn't give me time to even warm up. What can I do? What can he do? Can I teach him something to do?
Dear Mrs. 2Min,
You are not alone. It seems that while women are trying to have an orgasm, men are trying not too.
Being an “early finisher” is one of the most common sexual problems young couples experience. Fortunately, the problem can be solved, and there are several things you can do together. And hopefully, these will help turn your 2 Minute Man into a lady pleasin’, orgasm producin’, non-premature ejaculatin’ Sex God!
1. Slow it down
Guys get so excited that they want to “get it in there” as fast as they can. They can’t wait, and act like their testicles are going to explode or something. Next time, when he gets aroused and wants to “go in,” instead, make him focus on your pleasure. Suggest he go down on you first, and you can choose to have an orgasm, or keep the sexual tension going and wait until he is inside you, delaying his orgasm (for once). Also, slow down your breathing, taking big breaths. Try to synchronize your breathing, which will relax both of you and slow the whole thing (and his thing) down. You could also try making out, and instead of stimulating his penis with your hand, make out and have him use his fingers on you to warm you up. Once he is inside you, slow down his thrusts, taking them from jackhammer-like to a slow in and out. If it’s only a few minutes and he feels like he is ready to ejaculate, have him pull out, wait a few seconds and go back in again. This helps him develop an awareness of the feelings and sensations that come before he’s ready to come. The idea with all of these techniques is to have him take control of his ejaculation.
2. Learn some "masters of sex" techniques
The “Stop and Start” technique was invented by a hilariously named Dr. Semans, who after years of being a urologist, saw tons of premature ejaculators. This method involves the guy recognizing his “mid-level excitement” then stopping and starting again. The build-up of sexual tension should result in an even stronger orgasm for him; so tell him there’s something in it for him. The “squeeze” method was originally developed by famed sex-researchers-turned-sex-therapists Masters and Johnson. This method consists of squeezing the head of the over-excited Johnson right before he feels the big moment coming, and stopping the stimulation. Use your thumb and forefinger and gently squeeze. Practice a few times to perfect it. The idea here is to help him identify the “point of no return” and to “tolerate the stimulation through practice.”
3. Don't be afraid of exercise
Urologists all recommend doing the “Kegel” sexcercises, which strengthens the pubecocous muscle, which helps control ejaculation. These consists of squeezing the “PC” muscle every day, (the muscle that controls the flow of urine), starting with 10 squeezes and working up to 100, which can be done waiting in line or driving the car. But an easier, quicker way to do it is to give him the “Private Gym” for $100. (Christmas present alert!) In 20 minutes, three times a week for one to three months (they say) the PE Program will provide a man with "the ability to control your ejaculation during full sexual intercourse. You can gain the ability to control your ejaculation and last longer in bed." The “gym” features little “penile weights” for resistance, and a DVD to follow for his “penis fitness training program.” Invented by urologists, it’s like CrossFit for his penis!
See more: 7 Ideas for Incredible Foreplay
4. Test drive some products
A quick solution to the “quick finish” has been formulated by Dr. Harry Fisch, a urologist in New York City. Dr. Fisch’s Preboost 4% benzocaine wipes promise to wipe out premature ejaculation. Dr. Fisch says his product can add a whole FIVE minutes. Hey, that’s something! Every minute counts! The wipes temporarily numb his dong so the thing is less sensitive. After you’ve “wiped the wang,” I recommend he wear a condom, so the stuff doesn’t get all over your stuff. A clinical study of Preboost found that men “reported a statistically significant better sense of ejaculation control, confidence, satisfaction, sexual pleasure, increased length of intercourse, and reduced frustration.” The over the counter product wipes the PE away and sits next to Benzocaine sprays, such as Promescent, which can be sprayed on right before you get it on.
Anka Radakovich is a Certified Sexologist, Sex Educator, Author, Screenwriter, and Ph.D. Candidate in Sex Therapy. Follow her on Twitter @ankarad