Calling all Fifty Shades readers, haters, and lukewarmers. We’re here to talk about … KINK. Or should we say “kinks,” plural.
When we define a “kink,” it can be a bit of a gray area. Kink and fetish are similar (they overlap), but ultimately they're different. A kink is a sexual appetite or behavior that falls outside of what we might call “vanilla.” A fetish is a sexual attraction to a common nonsexual object such as feet, leather, or diapers. Again, a fetish can also be a kink and a kink can be a fetish. Confusing, we know.
What is “kinky” will vary from person to person. What seems chill and run of the mill in the sack to you might be totally out there and wild to someone else.
When we say “normal” we don’t mean kinks or fetishes outside of these four brackets below are creepy or gross, we mean that these particular kinks are simply the ones we see most often. Nothing is wrong or bad about any particular kink or fetish as long as it doesn’t harm another person or yourself. Anything that happens between consenting adults is fine and we should stop being so judgmental.
OK, so someone is into pouring fake blood (or real blood) on their partner during sex. Who cares? That’s their choice. You don’t need to engage in that sexual behavior if you don’t want to, but that doesn’t mean you should be rude about that person’s preferences. TBH, pretty much everyone has a kink of some kind.
If you’re curious if your kink, whether it be fantasy or something you do in IRL, is “normal” here are four of the most common, totally normal, sexual kinks.
According to a survey by Justin Lehmiller, tons of Americans have tried bondage in some form or other. Bondage is a very normal thing to be into. Tying up your partner isn’t so much about scary, stranger-danger fantasies or a desire to be taken advantage of and used during sex (though it’s definitely a part of it!), it’s about power dynamics. Letting something tie you up or to allow yourself to be tied up is giving control to your partner. It’s trusting them completely.
That’s super sexy.
You don’t have to buy a bunch of expensive gear to tie each other up. You can make use of panty hose, neckties, or T-shirts. Just be wary of how tight you’re going. Always err on the side of caution. Don’t use anything expensive or nice; you never know if you might need to cut someone loose. Hey, it happens.
For a complete beginners guide to bondage, click here.
Dominance and Submission
The “B” in BDSM stands for bondage, and then is followed by “DS” which stands for dominance and submission. The desire to be dominant or submissive in bed is even more common than the act of tying someone up. Think about your everyday sexual encounters with your partner. Chances are, one of you usually takes the lead.
Dominance and submission are simply more intense versions of those exact power dynamics. You’re giving and receiving control from your partner, willingly. Being submissive can include things like wanting to be spanked or to call your partner Daddy. Being dominant can mean holding your partner down or ordering them to get on their knees. It’s about one person being the controller and the other being the controlee.
Is it hot in here or is it just us?
Voyeur-what now? Voyeurism is the act of watching someone(s) engage in sexual activity. You don’t participate in the action. You’re a fly on the wall. Have you ever fantasized about your partner having sex with someone else while you watched? Maybe you enjoy thinking about people you don’t know having sex in front of you or while you secretly watch from somewhere else.
Voyeurism is very common, especially in today’s screen-filled world. It’s almost like we’re all voyeurs to other people’s lives when their Instagram is only a few clicks away. Being turned on sexually by watching other people have sex is not freakish. If you’re interested in exploring this kink, perhaps your partner would be willing to masturbate while you watch.
If you’re interested in going deeper into voyeurism in more extreme ways (like watching your partner have sex with someone else), you should have an open discussion about that. We don’t talk enough about fantasies because we’re so wrapped up in shame. It needs to stop!
Anything butt related
Are you into butts and you cannot lie? Sorry, we had to go there. Having a thing for butts (or breasts) is a big time kink. Some people are SUPER into anal and anything butt-related. It’s their thing!
It’s not surprising someone would be really into the butt. It’s juicy and gets amazing red marks when smacked. Where we go from liking butts to LOVING butts is when you prefer the butt to pretty much anything else. Whether hitting it, putting things in it, or having things put it in yours, the butt is your bread and BUTTer (puns on puns).
Again, it is totally normal. If you’re really into butt stuff, but wouldn’t consider it a kink, then it isn’t a kink for you. What is kinky is up to you.
As we said above, this is by no means a comprehensive list of sexual kinks, nor is it designed to exclude anyone. If you’re into something that doesn’t make this list it doesn’t mean you’re weird. These just happen to be the most commonly seen.
There are truly no limits to the sex things people are into. The more sexually open we choose to be, the less shame there will be!