No bridesmaid wants to drive her bride nuts. And yet, unwittingly, 'maids often make requests, offer advice, or butt in when they should butt out in ways that do nothing but drive the average bride crazy. So brush up on your awesome bridesmaid skills by avoiding these eight mistakes that will only annoy your bride.
1. Being upset when the bride doesn't take your advice
"For the most part, the bride will listen and agree to whatever opinions their bridesmaids have, but at the end of the day, she needs to choose what feels right for her," says Ashley Espinal, owner of Dulce Dreams Events in New York City. "I've had bridesmaids complain about floral arrangements or the type of shoes that the bride decided on, which just gives the bride a headache and feelings of anxiety. Please do not do that! She already has a million decisions to make—she doesn't need her closest friends complaining about the ones that in the end should only be made by her."
2. Not showing up on time—or at all!
From appearing at pre-wedding parties to attending the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, a bridesmaid must give a serious time commitment. So, Espinal reasons, don't agree to do it if you can't set aside the time to be at the most important wedding-related functions. "You most certainly don't have to attend each and every single one, but if you do RSVP, please do show up," she says.
3. Complaining about the bridesmaid dress
It's simple: "The bride has the right to choose your bridesmaid dress," Espinal points out. "I think the days of hideous bridesmaids dresses are over, so please do not be offended if the bride chooses a style or color that is not your favorite."
4. Trying to change things of which you're not in control
"You are not allowed to change the rules whenever you feel like it," Espinal emphasizes. "I've had so many situations where bridesmaids feel like they can change timelines and processional orders or even tell the band what songs should be played and at what times."
5. Talking behind the bride's back
"The most devastating thing a bride can experience is knowing that her ladies are going behind her back to discuss her wedding details or decisions," Espinal says. "That can be incredibly hurtful and quite annoying. If you want to help your bride enjoy the process, be up front with her and let her know your concerns are coming from a place of love."
6. Giving advice when you're not asked for it
Married 'maids are especially prone to dishing out what worked for them, Espinal has noticed. "It's important to remember that each wedding is unique to the couple, and not everything that worked for you will work for them," she says.
7. Complaining, nonstop
Keep your negative comments to yourself, please! "Weddings are expensive not only for the bride and groom—or whoever is footing the bill!—but it's also especially expensive for bridesmaids," says Espinal. "It's not all just glitz and glamour, so please don't complain when the responsibilities start piling on."
8. Thinking the bride's big day is really about you
"It seems so simple and yet it's so easy to forget," Espinal admits. "It's not every day you can call a friend a bride, so when that day comes it can be overwhelmingly beautiful and also a bit awkward. Don't hurt your bride by ignoring her and taking away that moment of shine. It is, in fact, her wedding day, and that moment should be shared with joy regardless of how it makes you feel."