Masturbation is a beautiful thing. That’s probably the first thing any person should know about self-love in a guide about self-love. You should never feel badly for indulging in masturbation. And there is so much more to it than you might think!
Many of us associate masturbation with guilt or shame because we were raised to believe it was bad. There is also a pervasive societal theme of “hurry up and finish,” born from quickly orgasming before anyone knew what we were up to as a young person. None of these ideas should be how you approach pleasure.
In fact, it’s just the opposite! Here are 6 crucial masturbation tips every woman needs to know right now.
Find a vibrator you love…
Your hand is a great ally, but a vibrator is like your favorite LBD: It fits just right and you need it.
A lady needs a vibrator she can depend on almost as much as she needs a partner she can depend on. Some would argue she needs the vibrator more, but we’re not here to make that call! Find a vibrator you love; one that you can turn to in times of stress, anxiety, good days, bad days, and every other kind of mood you might possibly find yourself in.
Now, you can never go wrong with a Magic Wand, but this can be bit intimidating for some. In lieu of a super intense toy, which may stop you from purchasing pleasure products to begin with, choose something newbie friendly. We love the Form 4 from JimmyJane. This pink, bendy, powerful vibe gets the job done with all the appearance of a lip balm tube.
Looking for something a bit more on the affordable side? We’re also big Fin fans.
...But don’t be afraid to change it up
You love old faithful, of course, but you should still treat yourself to new toys and experiences. After all, you are your first and most personal lover. Your self-love fests deserve variety.
For something a little different, check out a toy that simulates oral sex. Yes, that is a thing! Through an expert (and might we say, amazing) mixture of suction and air, certain toys can literally latch on your clitoris with the same movements of an expert lover (we’re obsessed with the Satisfyer).
Take time to get to know your body
Don’t rush things. This is something every woman needs to hear. Do not rub one out in the dark like a shameful teenager between your nightly shower and bedtime (at least, not every time).
Enjoy masturbation as a full sexual experience. Give yourself at least 20 minutes to explore your body. If you can make it an hour, go for it. See what works for you. Try different pressures, explore your clitoris from alternative angles, and see if other erogenous zones (like the nipples) are a source of pleasure for you. You may find out things you never knew before.
Lube up your sex toys
Lube, lube, lube. It is a mantra we must all learn, love, and appreciate. Lube is often associated with sexual “concerns” or “problems.” It’s thought that if you “need lube” there must be something wrong with your body.
This is absolutely not the case. You should be using lube all the time, in every single sexual situation, always. Lube is your best friend. When it comes to self-pleasure, it is the barrier between your sensitive vulva and the silicone of your favorite sex toy. It can reduce friction and even increase orgasm by quite a significant margin. Wetter is better.
The big “O” is not the end game
Performance is not a thing when it comes to masturbation. “Performance” (or orgasm) shouldn’t really be the end-goal in any sexual scenario. Sex isn’t about orgasm, despite what you may have heard. Sex is about enjoying yourself.
When you’re touching yourself, take orgasm entirely off the table. Enjoy your time with yourself. Explore your body and embrace every feeling you have. If you come, great. If not, it doesn’t devalue your experience. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself, babe.
You can get your partner in on this show
Another fantastic aspect of masturbation? It doesn’t have to be a solo-experience every time you do it. Your partner can be a part of your self-love time. Whether they watch you touch yourself, or touch themselves while you touch yourself, mutual masturbation can help the two of you feel closer.
Plus, it can be kind of kinky and hot. Trust us, it might be just the thing you need to up the ante in your routine.