10 Funny Tweets That Sum Up Sex After You're Married

Sometimes you've just got to laugh about it

Updated 08/24/18


It’s true that marriage has the power to shake things up in your relationship. Some things will inevitably stay the same, like your go-to date night spots, your inside jokes, and your Sunday morning rituals. But somethings will change, like perhaps your sex life. Marriage brings your relationship and your grown-up status to the next level and things like bills, work, kids and other responsibilities might put a damper on the adventurous sex life you've had for years.

The good news is, you’re not alone; sometimes, it’s even something that you and your spouse can laugh over. Check out the 10 tweets below that show off the reality of sex after marriage.

1. Make Plans to Do It

Remember how hot and steamy sex was when you and your partner first started dating? It might have even seemed like stress, bills, and exhaustion couldn’t keep your bodies off each other. But when marriage comes into the picture, scheduling when to have sex might be as headache-inducing as going to the DMV.

2. Your Mind Goes to Some Weird Places

If you really want to ruin the mood when you and your S.O. are finally in the bedroom together after a long vacation from having sex, the last thing you or your partner should do is think about mundane and everyday things, like grocery shopping or having to pay taxes.

3. Your List of Needs Changes

You’ll start to notice that not only do your bedroom needs change once you’re married but also how you express them to your partner changes too. Yes, you’ll be more direct at letting them know what you need, but you also might find yourself feeling less patient with them too.

4. People Want to know When the Baby Will Be Here

An interesting thing that happens to your sex life once you’re married is that every single person wants to know about it. They aren’t looking to hear the raunchy details; rather, they want to know if you are trying to have a baby and how hard you are trying to make that happen.

5. It Becomes Just Like Going to the Gym

If you start to become the married couple that does everything and anything together but have sex, you might forget how much fun you could have and do have until you finally do it again.

6. Lingerie is Only For Days You Haven’t Done the Laundry

Remember all that lingerie you invested in when you first started dating your partner? Chances are it’s stuffed in the pack of your drawer only to be pulled out and worn on the days when you realize you haven’t done laundry in a really long time and have no other undergarments to wear.

7. Your Positions Will Change

You can start to forget all of the Kama Sutra positions that you studied in books; the only position you’ll want your partner to be in when you two are in bed is one that keeps them from snoring.

8. Pillow Talk Doesn’t Sound the Same

A lot of what changes when you’re married is your bedtime routine. If you used to get it on right before dreamtime, you might find that your routine has now changed. Now, you’re finding yourself recapping the day and letting it all out for your partner to hear, grasp, and even smell.

9. What Turns You On Really Changes

The sight of their body in the past might have been an instant turn on. But now, small, weird things are enough to get you in the mood or even get you feeling those first-date butterflies all over again.

10. What You Do in Bed Changes

When you’re not sleeping in your bed, you and your partner might be spending quality time on it together, doing things that you wouldn’t have normally done when the relationship first flourished.

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