There are practical reasons to put off a proposal—one of you is still finishing up med school, for example, or you just can't find the right Insta-worthy backdrop for your declaration of love—but this is definitely not one of them. In a post on the Relationships subreddit, one 28-year-old woman asked for advice on her boyfriend's completely screwed-up ultimatum. After being together for five years, living together for almost as long, and buying a house and cars, user "Toofat2wife" (😞 ) straight up asked her boyfriend if she was being "led on." His answer? "He doesn't see himself proposing until I've become more fit."
You have got to be kidding me.
The post itself has since been deleted, but Someecards published most of the original text. The Redditor continued with more details on the WTF-inducing situation:
My weight is something I've struggled with over the years since I was pretty much a teenager. I'm now at more of a “normal” weight, although a bit bigger than when we first started dating. I've recently put on about 10 pounds because of a bad injury and I'm now able to start working out again. As a side note, he's put on some weight as well. Not fat, but more filled out. He's been attempting to work out so that he will be more fit and I'll join. However I think he looks fine. He's a good size for his height.
I'm not upset that he wants me to be more fit, because I agree and it's something that I want as well. What I'm upset about is that he is using being fit as a condition of marriage. That if I stay the same, we will simply continue dating. He says that he wants to spend his life with me and that he isn't going to break up with me but he really wants to see me more fit. Marriage is more important to me than him, he would be okay with staying common law for the rest of our lives.
According to Someecards, she then added that she's "confused" about her feelings because although she wants to be in shape, she's worried she will forever fall short of his quote-unquote "standard." As the website pointed out, what happens if she "gains a few pounds back" (which is totally normal, as women's weight will fluctuate) or doesn't "immediately" lose baby weight (a perfectly reasonable situation as well)? The Redditor finished the post by saying that she doesn't "want to make a bad decision by breaking up with him if I'm simply over reacting" and that he's her "best friend and I really enjoy our life together," before asking the rest of the Internet for its thoughts.
Well, she definitely isn't "simply overreacting," and women on Reddit were quick to echo this sentiment. Aside from the expected (and totally called for) outrage and advice to dump him already, quite a few people shared their own personal struggles with this topic.
The top comment comes from user Geenafalopezz, who went through something similar. One of the reasons her husband is now her "soon to be ex" is that she "was gaining weight and beginning to resemble my sister, whom he is completely turned off by." But after she dropped from 200 pounds to 150 in one summer, his demands did not end. He claimed that she didn't "dress sexy enough" or act her age, throwing out her entire closet and prompting her to "start dressing like a teenybopper." After he disparaged her supposed lack of ambition and looked down on her job, she asked him for a divorce. But this post had a happy ending:
"Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I've ever been," she wrote. "I was the only one who could put an end to the perpetual cycle of goal posting he put me through. I was never good enough. About a month ago he said, 'you are now, everything I always wanted you to be.' I smiled and nodded, knowing that my decision to start my life over was worth the temporary discomforts I've went through the last year, rebuilding my life as an independent single mom."
Another user, Jabberwockyjurist, pointed out just how impractical the boyfriend's whole proposal is, adding that he's "weaponizing" her weight. "Don't get fit because your SO is making it a condition of marriage," the user wrote. "Is he going to conduct weigh ins monthly? How much weight can you gain when you get pregnant? Will he put you on a post pregnancy diet?"
And one user wrote that any impending nuptials would never work out with his unreasonable demands. "You put on extra weight because of an injury, and he wants you to 'get fit' before you exchange vows...but one of those vows is 'in sickness and in health,'" commented littlestray. "Find someone who'll love you in sickness and in health, not if you change your body for them."
Couldn't have said it better myself.