We've all got a long list of excuses for why we don't have time for sex — we're exhausted from work, the kids need our attention, Netflix is calling. But most of us, if we're shunning sex for the other items on our to-do list, do miss it and would like to have it more.
"Couples come to me for help because they would like to improve their sex lives by having it more frequently and with more passion," says certified sex therapist and couples psychotherapist Sari Cooper. Here, Cooper clues us in on how we can make more time for making love.
Schedule a date.
Pencil him in for a Friday night dinner-and-a-movie date that will put you both in the mood for something between the sheets. "I ask couples to create dates during days where they are able to have extended hours of unplugged time together — like a Saturday afternoon, a Sunday morning or a Friday night," says Cooper. "This allows for a more realistic opening for a couple to unwind, catch up and connect and then have distraction free time to have an intimate experience."
But skip double dates.
Yes, it can be tempting to double-up on our free moments by sneaking in time with our friends and spouse, but it's not the best idea for your sex life. "I encourage couples to do something on their own — without other friends, family or other parties in which their attention invariably goes to other people beside one another," says Cooper.
Get intimate without the intention of sex.
Sometimes just thinking about sex turns us off the idea — we don't have the time, or the energy for all that. But if you let your husband know you're down to makeout, you never know where it could lead once you're already into it. "Having realistic expectations can free you up to enjoy a sensual experience without the disappointment of not getting what you were hoping for or what you thought it would include," explains Cooper. "With that pressure off, you might be surprised when you begin to feel more turned on once you're under way."
Add sexuality to your normal schedule.
You have to eat, right? So the next time you're cooking dinner, take a few extra minutes to put on mood music and light a candle or two. When your husband hops in the shower, step in behind him. "Do any activity together that involves relaxation and helps the senses to help transition to an erotic mindset," says Cooper.