Maid of Honor Forced to Clean Up 99 Dead Goldfish After Bride's Wedding Favor Idea Goes Horribly Awry

Don't try this one at home

Updated 04/19/19

Thomas Barwick

Being a maid of honor is hard work. There’s the bachelorette party planning, the toast, the moral support, and ... the dead fish cleanup?

That scenario quickly become one woman’s reality after her former bestie decided she wanted to use live goldfish as her wedding centerpieces, which were also meant to double as wedding favors.

According to a thread on Reddit from April 18, titled “Living creatures as wedding favors,” the bride wanted two fish in every glass centerpiece. “You see, ex-friend was an animal lover. On and off again vegetarian/vegan, PETA supporter, etc. She was especially fond of fish,” the MOH explained.

Though she tried to talk her pal out of the idea, pointing out the obvious flaws in her logistics—namely, that not everyone would want to adopt a goldfish on the spot and that the glass centerpieces belonged to the venue, with no alternate container available for guests to transport the fish home in—it was ultimately all in vain.

As the maid of honor recalled, roughly 100 of the underwater creatures were purchased — 80 for the tables, plus “spares” to replace any “floaters” that didn’t make it through the ceremony.

In fact, swapping out any fish that wound up, well, belly up, during dinner became one of the MOH's unfortunate responsibilities.

“’That can be your job during the reception: just keep an eye out for dead ones and replace them before anyone notices. They're called feeder fish for a reason,” the MOH remembered the bride telling her. “They don't live long, everyone knows that. We'll buy them that morning, they only need to survive through the reception."

Sadly, not all of them did. "I didn't have a lot of time to spare during the reception to watch over all 40 centerpieces, but I did catch a few floaters," the woman wrote.

And that was only the beginning.

By the end of the celebration, not a single guest had taken the fish home, leaving the maid of honor with close to 100 goldfish to figure out what to do with.

“That night I strolled into a big-box pet store in my big floofy red satin floor length gown, heels clacking on the tiles, and purchased a big-a** rectangular tank, a filter, and some fish flakes,” she wrote.

The tragedy didn’t end there: The fish began to die off in droves, until only a single goldfish remained. “By the third day, we were down to five, and we lost one a day after that until there was only one left. And that last one? Five years. I named it Sun,” the maid of honor recalled.

It was Sun who had the last laugh, however: “It lingered far longer than my friendship with the bride, and far far longer than her marriage.”

Let this be a lesson—never use an animal as decoration!

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