Has your mom been dreaming of your wedding day since the moment you were born? There’s a pretty good chance she’s got a folder of ideas torn out of magazines, as well as wedding-planning books in her online shopping cart, ready to be ordered the moment you get engaged. But what if your mom is dying to help and you really want to plan on your own? Here are some tips from our experts to navigate this emotional situation.
Before you tell your mom you don’t need her help, think through all of the endless tasks on your wedding-planning to-do list. Even if you want the big things to be a surprise (or think she might get too involved and not let you have a say), we guarantee there are items on the list that you’ll appreciate having some extra help with! Whether it’s arranging room blocks, collecting guests’ addresses, or putting stamps on envelopes, not all wedding planning is fun—but it’s all important. Play to your mom’s strengths (especially if she’s an organizational or negotiating whiz!) to help you get those tasks finished.
When it comes to the more fun parts of your wedding, like the design and the food, let your mom know that you want her to be able to enjoy the wedding as a guest instead of feeling like she has to be “on” all night. And of course you’ll want her to be just as surprised and stunned as your guests will be when she walks into the reception! If you feel like she’s taking the reins too much or is trying to get involved when you’d rather take care of things on your own, have a frank (but gentle) conversation with her. Tell her that you want to plan the wedding that you want and that while you appreciate her enthusiasm, you really would like to do a lot of the planning on your own.
Of course, you should still keep Mom in the loop when it comes to logistics and timing. As your wedding approaches, guests will have questions about where they’re staying, transportation, and when they need to be where, and you never know when there might be a bump in the road on your wedding day. Having someone else who is informed and can help smooth things over (instead of your vendors coming straight to you when you’re trying to walk down the aisle!) will let you enjoy your wedding day—as well as give your mom an important role that will help ensure the day’s success.