What is it about blindfolds that get us so worked up? In a nutshell: You can’t see and are at the mercy of another person; it’s a giving and receiving of control; it’s feeling out of your body (and somehow in your body) and in the sexy possession of a partner you love and trust.
When you’re blindfolded, all of your other senses become enhanced: You feel your partner’s touch on your skin more acutely, smells become more vibrant, and orgasms can even be more intense!
Blindfolds are kinky fun that's certainly not just for those with serious kink-filled lifestyles. Anyone can use a blindfold. If you’re interested in giving a blindfold a go, here's what you should know. It might even become your new favorite bedroom accessory.
Start with something small and easy to use.
You don’t even have to buy a blindfold to try sight deprivation. To find out if being blindfolded is something that sexually excites you, start with things you have lying around the house—a cotton T-shirt is an ideal blindfold.
Place it over your head and pull up the neck to just above your nose. The rest of the T-shirt should be covering your eyes and forehead. Then have your partner kiss you all over your body. They can also massage you with essential oils. While spanking and wrist tying is fun, start with the blindfold alone. Your partner can use their hands to restrain you if you’re comfortable with that. Pinning your hands above your head while they feel all over your body with their free hand can also be very hot.
Last but not least: Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.
When in doubt, stretchy is always best.
Choose a blindfold that both turns you on and is comfortable to wear. When in doubt, just stick with something straightforward and simple: an eye mask with an elastic band, preferably silk. You can pick a blindfold alone or with your partner.
Remember: If you feel uncomfortable or not down with the play at any time, you can simply remove the blindfold. Easy as that.
You’ll want to decide who is playing the dom and who is playing the sub. (The sub is the one who is blindfolded and the dom is one who will be doing all the wonderful sexy things to the other's body.)
Have an open, honest conversation about what you are and are not comfortable with before you engage in this kind of sensory play. For some, losing sight can be uncomfortable and even a bit scary. You’ll want to be very careful about setting boundaries and establishing a safe word.
A safe word is nonsexual word that, when said, immediately stops all sexual play. It’s a kind of pause button. We suggest something like "yogurt," "sailboat," or "strawberry"—any other word you wouldn't associate with sex. Using this word helps you take a few minutes to recalibrate and talk through what both of you are feeling.
Start with blindfolds and then move up.
A big mistake many beginners make with kinky play is jumping into too much too soon. Don’t go right for bondage and blindfolding the first time you’re exploring.
This kind of play requires giving up or receiving control. If you do too much too fast, you could wind up with one partner having an anxiety attack. Start with vision and then move into more intense things. You have plenty of time to move on to bigger and sexier things later.
Even if you’re the submissive, you’re still in control.
While the dom is in control, the submissive is really the one holding the reins. You’ve allowed this person to have the control to do certain things to you. But you’ve set the guidelines—you can stop it at any time. As a submissive, knowing that you have a lot of power in this game is critical.
If anything feels weird, uncomfortable, or scares you, call your safe word and stop the play. The dom may be the one calling the shots, but the scene is really yours.
Check in with some after-care.
Be sure to check in after every sex session to figure out how everyone is feeling. After-care is a huge part of sexuality and feeling safe with your partner. This is someone you love and trust, but when kink is involved, you need to reconnect and care for one another.
You’ve come out of this (often intense) scene where you might call your partner names, etc. While in the moment this is great, afterward they might need you to remind them how loved and cared for they are as your significant other.
Take time to talk through everything that took place. See what worked and what didn’t. Take mental notes for the next time you engage in some kink. The important thing is that everyone is safe and consenting to everything that is taking place.