Welcome to Sexual Healing, a new monthly column where sexologist Anka Radakovich dives deep into your most intimate issues with advice and tips to help you live your best sex life. Have a question for Anka? Drop us a line (no fear, we'll keep it anonymous) at email@example.com.
I don't want to be on the pill anymore; it makes me gain weight. I would LOVE it if my husband would wear condoms, but he always complains that he doesn't like the way they feel. What do you suggest?
Dear Mrs. Bloated,
The good news: you can both have spectacular sex while wearing condoms! But first, discuss this with your hubby. I always recommend talking about sex with the person you are having sex with. Tell him what you told me; he may have no idea you are unhappy about this! Don’t let issues that bother you go unspoken, or resentment will build up and the next thing you know, you are low-grade mad at him. The pill is prescription drug; a hormone that has side-effects. Tell him he has to work with you here; he’s the sperminator and you don’t want to feel bloated anymore. Here’s what he needs to know….
Most men hate wearing condoms, but many of them have no idea they’re wearing the wrong size. The condoms are either too tight, too loose, too long, or too short. A recent study found that “35% of men require a smaller fit and don’t even know it.” Another 15% require a larger, “more generous” fit for their massive members. For those big guys, they don’t realize that the condom they are currently using can restrict blood flow to their bigger than they though manhood.
So how do you figure out your your partner's size? Save a cardboard toilet paper roll and slip it on his willy. It’s that simple. If it's loose, he is a "tailored fit," also called a "snugger fit." If it fits well, he's a medium, "standard fit," and if he can't even get his monster in there, he's a lucky man/bloke and needs a larger "XL" condom. (There are four sizes of penises: S, M, L, and “Omg that thing is huge.”)
Once the right size is determined, keep in mind some performance tips: All condoms, especially ultra-thin condoms need additional lube to enhance pleasure. Recent studies have found that using lube while using condoms increases pleasure. What’s nice about lube is that it makes people forget they are using them, so they can be more in the moment while they are doing it. Also, have some lube ready to go on a table and add a few drops inside the condom as well as outside of it. Silicone lube lasts longer than water-based lube and can be used with condoms. (See our ultimate guide to lube here!)
And finally, if his weenie is an in-betweenie, try different sizes of condoms to see which feel the best. There are several types of condoms to choose from including "pleasure shaped" condoms that give more "head room," as well as ultra thin, ribbed, and studded, available in latex, polyurethane, and polyisoprene, which has similar chemical components to latex.
Skyn Elite Condoms provide a softer, more natural feel than latex, combining the strength of latex with the sensitivity of a much thinner condom. And Japanese condom maker Okamoto's 004 "almost naked" condoms, continue to rock the condom world with stellar advances in latex technology. “Feel everything, except the condom,” they say.
And finally, if he complains about wearing a condom you can go with a joke: “Put this on your wang or we don’t bang,” or a more direct, “Put this condom on. At least you’re getting laid.” From my own experience, that seems to do the trick, and they can’t really argue with that.
Anka Radakovich is a certified sexologist, sex educator, author, screenwriter, and PhD candidate in sex therapy. Follow her on Twitter @ankarad