Sex Talk 101: How to Ask Your Husband for What You Really Want

Updated 01/12/15

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Sometimes women struggle to express how they feel after watching a rom-com without feeling crazy — so how exactly are they supposed to divulge to their significant others what they want between the sheets? "Women are still uncomfortable asking for what they want for fear of appearing too experienced, out of concern that rumors will spread, and that her partner will then feel inadequate," explains Sari Cooper, a certified sex therapist and couples psychotherapist.

We also haven't been taught the "language of eroticism and sexuality," Cooper says, making many of us tongue-tied when it comes to how we like to be touched and more.

If you have sexual desires you'd like to express but simply don't know how, Cooper suggests starting the conversation outside of the bedroom, or mid-action with non-verbal cues if you're a more established couple.

"A woman can introduce the topic by offering a fantasy of something she's always wanted to try, or a an activity that turned her on — without mentioning if she'd ever done it with someone else, so that it doesn't become an emotionally loaded activity," Cooper says. Try this: "So honey, I've been fantasizing about doing [insert your fantasy here] with you sometime soon. Would that be something you might be interested in?"

If you're comfortable, you could even suggest an "exploration date," in which you two head to a sex toy shop to gather ideas to take back home.

In the bedroom, Cooper says non-verbal cues, such as leading your man's hand where you'd like to be touched, are effective ways of getting what you want without risking an awkward conversation.

Finally, remember, "all the activities need to be consensual," Cooper says, "so if you feel you are forcing someone to do something they really don't want to do, you do need to back off."

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