In the How to Stay Present marriage advice series, the Kundalini guide behind Benshen, Desiree Pais, gives you the tools you need to stay focused and calm before, during, and after you tie the knot.
When my cousin got married this past February, she showed me what it meant to be a perfect bride. Case in point: All the bridesmaids and groomsmen were in the bridal suite of the hotel getting photos taken when the florist showed up. In her hands, she held five beautiful boutonnieres. One problem: There were six groomsmen. With my eyes wide open, I slowly turned to my cousin, fully expecting the bridezilla reaction I had seen so many times in movies. Instead something amazing happened. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, shook her head, turned to the florist and calmly asked, "What is the best way we can fix this immediately?" I was astonished at how calmly she handled it. Then, moments later, a gorgeous parade of bouquets came in for the bridesmaids and the bride. Yet, trouble struck again when one of the roses was a completely different color than my cousin had picked—a color that had no correlation with the theme of the wedding. "Oh for SURE she is going to freak out now,” I thought. As I again slowly turned to my cousin with even wider eyes, I saw she was upset, but—instead of turning into Medusa—she shrugged and said, “What can you do?” And that was that. There were more important things to attend to, like getting married to the man of her dreams, than wasting precious time and energy freaking out over a rose.
What my cousin displayed was one of the greatest spiritual practices of all time: acceptance. Yes, it sucks when things don’t go how we hoped. But in the end, there is nothing we can do. Instead of making things worse by creating a dramatic reaction and emotionally draining herself and everyone around her, she took a deep breath and moved on. At the end of the day, no one is going to remember the color of the roses—what they will remember is the kind of bride you were.
I promise you, you’ll want to be remembered as the bride who powered through everything gracefully, who could keep going when things got challenging, who, even though it is your big day, did your best to make sure that everyone around helping you is feels appreciated. Getting married is a major transition into womanhood—what better way to show how powerful of a woman you are than being the bride that made this the best experience for not only yourself but everyone around you? And I can 100 percent guarantee that the more you act from this mentality, the more everyone around you is going to want to make sure this is the best day possible, especially when things don’t go as planned.
So, when something comes up, when things go wrong, I challenge you to take a deep breath and say, “I accept this challenge and I accept this circumstance and I accept strength I need to move forward with absolute grace.” If you make this your mentality instead of freaking out, things may turn out even better than you expected.
Desiree Pais is a meditation and Kundalini guide, and a natural beauty alchemist. She is currently pursuing a master's degree at Pacific College of Oriental Medicine and studied Daoist Healing with Grandmaster Sung Baek. She teaches Kundalini yoga and meditation classes and workshops around New York City. She aims to make these ancient practices available to anyone who is interested in using this profound practice to create the life they want to experience.