In the How to Stay Present marriage advice series, the Kundalini guide behind Benshen, Desiree Pais, gives you the tools you need to stay focused and calm before, during, and after you tie the knot.
When I first started teaching yoga seven years ago, I would plan the whole class out top to bottom. It was perfect. I knew the students would love the class because I worked so hard creating the perfect, dynamic, and unique sequence. Sometimes, it would go as planned but—more often than not—it didn't. I remember feeling awful every time class didn't go the way I had mapped out, getting insecure every time I looked at a student's face not smiling with approval. I eventually ended up hating teaching—it never went how it was supposed to go.
After a few years and many life experiences later, I finally realized it was going exactly how it was supposed to go. Once I had this realization, my entire relationship to teaching changed. I became a better teacher because, even though I had a vision, I was flexible and open to the best-case scenario happening, one that I might not even be aware of.
What does this have to do with planning a wedding? Everything. While I've never been married, I’ve been to enough weddings and events to know that no matter how perfect the plan is, things will go off course. It takes a LOT of time and energy to be angry, frustrated, and depressed when things don’t go your way—time and energy you need for other things, like actually having fun and enjoying every moment of planning one of the most special days of your life.
Whenever I feel like things aren’t going my way, I say, “Fine, Universe, you obviously know a better way, show me what you’ve got. I can’t wait to receive this unexpected gift!” This simple sentence and statement to the great beyond allows for something amazing and unexpected to happen where something wasn’t working.
Let’s say your florist is driving you crazy. They’re never on time answering your emails, they don’t agree with you on anything, and you feel like you might actually have steam coming out of your ears. Step away from the situation for a day or two and say the affirmation above: "Fine, Universe, you obviously know a better way, show me what you’ve got.” Next thing you know, you could be having coffee with a girlfriend you haven’t seen in ages who just got married and says she used the BEST florist. You meet said florist and it’s the absolute perfect match, making you forget all about the madness you were dealing with before.
So, next time things start to get rocky and you feel like things aren’t going your way, give it a try and see what kind of magic unfolds when you stop resisting the Universe trying to help a girl out.
Desiree Pais is a meditation and Kundalini guide and a natural beauty alchemist. She is currently pursuing a master's degree at Pacific College of Oriental Medicine, and she studied Daoist healing with Grandmaster Sung Baek. She teaches Kundalini yoga and meditation classes and workshops around New York City. She aims to make these ancient practices available to anyone who is interested in using this profound practice to create the life they want to experience.