Congrats on getting married! That is so exciting! You know what else your wedding day will make you besides excited? Horny.
The general stress of planning aside, when you make it to the big day, everything about a wedding is romantic. You’re in your amazing bridal outfit (highlighting your best assets), your new husband or wife looks damn fine, and you curated this bomb playlist. It seems pretty obvious that you might want to get freaky under these circumstances.
Not all of us are down to wait until we make it to the wedding suite, drunk on champagne, and exhausted from hours upon hours of dancing to get it on.
So, if you simply cannot wait and want to get laid before the night is over, here are some tips for pulling off sex at your wedding reception. No judgement—you do you.
Scope out the venue beforehand
Now, if you’re reading this, you are probably getting married in the very near future, which means you have a venue. If you don’t, take notes.
Scope out the places where sex could possibly go over while you’re checking out spots to have the actual wedding. Obviously, you shouldn’t choose your venue just because it has the most sex-able spots (unless that is a deciding factor for you—hey, it’s your day!), it just helps to know where the potential could lie. You know, for sex.
Maybe a spot has a crazy enormous coat room with a lot of backroom closet space where no one would notice you’ve disappeared. Maybe there’s a chic powder room with a lockable door. Observe and take these qualities into consideration. And clearly, if you’re having the reception in the hotel where you’re staying, that is ideal.
Have a code word
You and your husband or wife are going to get dragged around your wedding a lot. There are aunties, uncles, cousins, friends, and friends of friends you have to mingle with and thank for coming.
Set up a code word with your new spouse that means, “Let’s do it.” One of you says it, you can each pretend you have to use the bathroom, leave separately, and meet up to get it on before the cake is cut.
Our personal favorite: “Something blue.” As in, blue balls. Even if neither of you has balls, it’s still funny.
Timing is everything
Timing is absolutely your bread and butter for pulling off some reception coitus. Don’t leave when everyone is paying attention to you or everyone is going to know you’re up to no good.
The best times for reception sex: during your pre-reception wardrobe change and right after the daddy/daughter and mom/son dance. The former is great because you’re probably in a private room and everyone is giving you some space. It might be an ideal time to plan to have your new spouse sneak in the side door for some sexual seduction.
The second option works because no one cares about the bride and groom (or bride and bride) for a solid 30 minutes after the parental dances. It’s the cue to everyone that it is time to start dancing.
Don’t wear panties
Now, this might not be an option depending on your choice of wedding outfit, but if you’ve gone with a traditional bridal gown, this could be doable. If your gown is floor length, it’s already going to be stressful to lift it up. Skipping on underwear makes the whole “quickie without a cause” easier for both you and your partner.
Bonus points if your partner can handle being in the buff as well. The closer to direct skin contact you can get and the more barriers you can remove, the better.
Put the emphasis on “quick”
This is (no joke) going to have to be the quickest of quickies. At another party, no one would notice you’d disappeared for a while. At your wedding, it’s a different story.
If you and your new husband or wife are gone for more than 10 minutes, people will notice and begin speculate as to where you’ve gone off to. On that note...
Have a solid excuse
You’ll want to prep a reason to bounce beforehand. Using the bathroom could work, but then again, if someone comes looking for you in the toilet and you’re nowhere to be found, panic may ensue.
If you’ve timed this whole thing correctly, you should be good to go. Should you decide that after the dances is your best bet, think of a reason why you’d need to leave for a few minutes. Tell your MOH that you need to go ask the caterer a question, that you’re taking a breather after an emotional moment, or perhaps you want to grab a Bandaid for a chafing heel.
Now, go forth and have fun!
Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in NYC. Her work has appeared on Cosmo, Elle, Teen Vogue, Glamour, Allure, Marie Claire, AskMen, and Bustle.