17 Women on How They Initiate Sex

Women doing whatever the hell they want in 2018

Updated 11/11/18


There is arguably nothing sexier than a woman who wants to get laid and goes out and gets it.

We hear this ridiculous trope that women don’t initiate sex. In fact, when gathering responses for this roundup, several men offered their unsolicited opinion saying as much. Well, this is simply untrue. Women know what they want—and for the most part, they ask for it when they want it.

Sex is between two people. It is not up to your partner to come to you looking to get laid. If you want sex, ask for it! Or at least hint at it in a subtle way. We know you have it in you.

Here are 17 very real women on how they initiate sex. For all of you who think women don’t have it in them to get an orgasm when they want one, you are about to be shown up. Women are amazing, fearless, and over the slut-shaming.

“My super sexy answer is: if I feel the sexy vibe between us (you know what I'm talking about), I simply just ask.”

—Julia, 34

“Get naked in front of him. Jump in bed naked and wait for him. Start pulling his clothes off. When I’m ready for sex, he will always know.”

—Carey, 27

“I don't have time for games. I just say I want to have sex. Usually my partner is open to it. She likes being bossed around.”

Marissa, 27

“Being that I have a live in boyfriend, I say, 'Do you wanna have sex?'”

—Paige, 25

“If I feel the vibe is right, I outright ask if they want to.”

—Kelsey, 27

"We live in a studio so if I’m feeling extra frisky, I grab my vibrator and start touching myself. Even if he’s reading or doing something else, his head is between my legs pretty fast. It’s impressive.”

—Brit, 28

“I ask him if he wants to see my new underwear.”

—Mary, 34

“I nibble his ears. For some reason he always knows that means I want it bad.”

—Brandi, 26

“I legit hump my husband’s leg.”

—Alex, 31

“When she’s had a particularly crappy day at work (she hates her boss), I make her dinner and wear nothing but an apron. Totally naked underneath. We usually fool around in the kitchen and then have dinner afterward. And then fool around some more.”

—Erin, 30

“My go-to is the 'pretend cuddle.' I'm not big on cuddling so that's a dead giveaway.”

Angela, 31

“I like to surprise my husband by doing something he doesn't expect from me. I'll get the engine warmed so that by the time he arrives I'm not only hot and bothered but I am tearing at him like a hungry animal. He loves every minute of it!”

—Ivory, 31

“I start playing with her hair. Kissing her neck. Telling her how sexy and beautiful she is. And smart, of course. We usually go from kissing to taking each other’s clothes off quite fast.”

—Lillie, 29

“I basically just unbutton his pants."

—Lia, 29

“I climb right onto his lap and kiss him. I raise my arms above my head so he’ll take off my shirt. The rest pretty much goes like clockwork. We’re both extremely horny people.”

—Jasmine, 33

“I wear sexy lingerie, put on my ‘Sex Jazz’ playlist and light candles.”

—Jamie, 32

“I give him a head-scratch. And then move down to his neck and ears. His head is in my lap at this point. Then I move his head and start kissing down his body and unbuckle his pants. You get it.”

—Val, 25

Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, educator, and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.

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