A wedding is all about celebrating and expressing the special relationship you share with the love of your life. But what if you have two (or more!) people who, somehow, simultaneously mean more to you than anyone else? We're not talking about a complicated love-decagon situation a la The Bachelor; we mean the partner whom you call "baby" affectionately, and then your actual child.
"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage?" Eh, not so much anymore. When you take into account second marriages, couples waiting longer to tie the knot, biological clocks, and the way the universe seems to love throwing out a massive surprise every now and again, it's not unusual for couples to deviate from the playground rhyme's family planning strategy.
And on your wedding day, you'll, of course, want to include all your bundles of joy—but this becomes tricky if your babe is little more than a bundle at this point.
"It's difficult because if you're talking about an infant, they can't really do anything," jokes Tara Skinner, owner and founder of wedding firm Posh Petals & Pearls with offices in Savannah, Georgia; Charleston, South Carolina; and Charlotte, North Carolina.
Fellow owner and planner Lindsey Nickel of Lovely Day Events—which mostly services Wyoming, California, and destinations—agrees: "It's this funny question of 'How can they be there and involved, but not too involved?'"
Meet the Expert
- Tara Skinner is the owner and founder of Posh Petals & Pearls, an award-winning luxury wedding and event planning firm.
- Lindsey Nickel is the owner and founder of Lovely Day Events, a boutique wedding company servicing a variety of wedding styles.
Still, when Brides tasked both of these women with recommending ideas for incorporating a newborn (12 months or less) into a couple's big day, they made it look easy—and gave some quality advice about making the process as stress-free as possible. Here are nine ways to incorporate your newborn baby on your wedding day.
1. Pose for Engagement Photos With the Whole Family
You don't have to wait until the wedding weekend to implement your inclusion efforts. You can start with your engagement. "What if you featured your baby in the engagement photos, or took pregnancy and/or infant photos that you could later put out at the reception as décor?" suggests Nickel.
2. Customize the Save the Dates and Invites
Another pre-wedding idea is to include your child in your wedding announcements and invites. "There are super cute ways to include the baby in the save the dates or invitations even," says Nickel. "If you wanted to get really creative, you could play with the wording so that it seemed like the invite was coming from the three of you."
3. Appoint as a Flower Girl or Ring Bearer...On Wheels
If your baby can't walk, let the good times roll instead. "Just have someone pull him or her down the aisle in a wagon," says Skinner. "You could also have the rings tied around the baby's wrist or feet with a bow. Then, when the couple goes to get the rings off, they each pull in order to untie the rings together. That makes for a sweet, symbolic moment."
When Scott Billings and Lauren Shalleck sent their baby girl Elle down the aisle in a flower-adorned wagon, they offered us this pro-tip: "'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' is Elle's favorite song, so we made sure it was playing during the processional so she would smile," Shalleck says.
4. Mention or Include in Your Vows
Though your options may be limited to "yes," "no," "mama," and "dada," Skinner says if your little nugget can talk at all, you do have the option of allowing him or her to exchange some vows, too. Or, you can specifically refer to your child in your vows instead. During Alexis Ohanian's vows to Serena Williams, he called Williams his queen and added that they already have their princess—their young daughter Alexis Olympia Ohanian Jr. Addressing your baby in your vows adds another layer of commitment, especially for new stepparents!
5. Light a Unity Candle Together
If fire frightens you, there are tons of other creative unity ceremony ideas that could be adapted for a party of three (or more). Skinner loves the idea of using handprints. "You could make some sort of artwork using the baby's handprints in the middle, and the bride's and groom's on either side," she explains. "They'd make a sort of doubled, layered heart."
6. Give VIP Seating
Some of Nickel's most solid advice was simply this: know your child. Any parent will tell you that even newborns have a distinct personality. "It's about tuning into your kid to make sure they're comfortable," says Nickel. "Are they going to be okay at the center of attention? Being held up at the front—by a godparent or bridesmaid—with the rest of the bridal party during the ceremony? You can always just have grandma hold them in the front row." That's what Serena Williams's mama did for her, as you can see in the above photo!
Nickel advises you to designate a child handler for the entirety of the wedding event.
"At a wedding, there's so much stimulation for babies," Nickel says. "They're in a new place. They're surrounded by tons of people. Their scheduled routine is all out of whack. This nanny or babysitter can always be ready to take them if they need to be fed or calmed down or whatever it is."
7. Hold or (Wear!) at the Altar or Reception
If you want your baby very close at hand during the majority of your wedding proceedings, consider a wrap, Skinner says.
8. Specially Christen the Specialty Cocktail
She laughs when she mentions it, but Nickel says you could consider naming your specialty cocktail after your child. This works especially well if the name already pairs nicely with words used to describe drinks. "Sweet Melissa!" "Arnold Palmer!" "Shirley Temple!" You get the idea.
9. Snap a Photo and Call It a Day
If all of these options sound more overwhelming than inspirational, maybe don't involve your newborn in anything more than a family snapshot. "Just put them in a cute outfit and stick them in there for pictures," says Skinner with a laugh. She loves christening gowns for teeny-tiny infants and baby suspenders for young boys. As Nickel points out, "It's still really great because they'll be in those photos forever, and a part of this huge moment in their family's lives."
Nickel recommends shooting all photos with the baby first and bringing some keys to keep their attention. "Shiny things get those bright eyes and that excitement face to come out," she says. "And again, have your babysitter or nanny there to pass the baby off back and forth."
Nickel is also a fan of having a baby emergency bag—similar to the idea of a bridesmaid survival kit—though the items and their reasonings might be slightly different. "Little babies do spit up and have diaper explosions, so bring a second outfit as back-up clothing," says Nickel. "Then have the usual baby stuff—lots of extra food, hats, and sunscreen if the weather is something the baby's not used to, and maybe a blanket if it's cold. And did I say snacks? Definitely have snacks." Maybe not so different from the bridesmaids' needs after all!