There is nothing better than lying back, relaxing, and enjoying a long bout of cunnilingus. Don’t you just love seeing your partner down there? It’s like a love letter to your clitoris.
It’s more than a sexy show—oral sex is how many women warm up for intercourse. We need to be properly lubricated, and many studies and experts agree that an orgasm before penetration is ideal. Oral should always be on the menu, if you’re doing it right. *wink wink*
Not to be dramatic, but oral sex is life. Bad oral sex is…death (ok, ok, just a tad overdramatic). And having a willing partner is such a wonderful thing. Blessings be on the partner who is into going down on their spouse. TBH, a marriage without mutual oral love is kind of depressing (DJ Khaled, we see you).
Is your partner willing, but a bit behind the curve skill-wise? That’s OK. Cunnilingus is an art. It can be learned. You just first need to learn to be an excellent teacher.
Here is how to improve your partner’s oral sex skills so you can have the best orgasms of your life. Praying for you, girl.
Stress the importance of oral sex
Talk about oral sex. Discuss the female body and all it’s beautiful intricacies. This may mean doing some reading yourself. The clitoris is the center of female pleasure. For many of us, oral sex is far more pleasurable and orgasmic than other forms of sexual play. Attention to the clitoral glans is essential in orgasm for the vast majority of women, and yet we tout intercourse and vaginal orgasm as the “best” form of orgasm. It makes literally no sense, and it’s a damaging myth.
If you want your partner’s oral sex prowess to improve, they first need to know how critical it is that they become well-versed. Much of the time, our partner’s lack of oral sex skills are due to lack of knowledge about the frequency with which it is needed. Why? Because we don’t talk about it enough.
Send articles, make it the center of conversation at your next dinner party, and bring it up whenever you’re having intimate chats about trying new things in bed. If you don’t get the point across, you can bet the same mediocre or infrequent head will reign supreme.
Communication is awkward, but needed
Have a conversation and be straightforward. It may be that there are just a few tweaks needed to their approach, or perhaps your partner doesn’t seem to know where the clitoris is located.
Either way, you must be open about your needs. If you do not ask and give direction, you will wind up dealing with this for the rest of your life. Does having an uncomfortable conversation and a few practice sessions sound worse than a lifetime of orgasm-less head? Yeah, we didn’t think so.
If you’re worried they will react badly, remember to approach them with love and empathy. They might be hurt and embarrassed. Would you be? It’s awkward! Don’t take it personally.
Be loving and willing to embrace their discomfort. No one wants to hear they suck at giving cunnilingus. Be real. But, it will benefit your sex life in the end. The hard choices and talks are a part of marriage.
Even if it takes a few days for them to come around after the initial chat, they will. And soon you’ll be coming, too. With patience, show them exactly what you need.
Consistency is key
You don’t to overwhelm your partner. Have them stick to one consistent movement that you love. You can always build on to the repertoire later. If they are behind in their skills, they likely feel vulnerable already.
Giving them something concrete things to work on will do wonders. If you overwhelm with too many movements at once, you could wind up with the same sloppy oral from before. Build up their skills, and then ask for more. Remember empathy. Always.
If they’re doing something right, let them know
Encouragement is going to be your best friend. Give specific directions about where you’d like them to touch and/or lick you, and how you want them to do it. Do you like circles around the clitoris? A figure eight? A combination of a few different moves?
It’s OK to ask for what you want. Just be sure you’re also giving back. Let your partner know how sexy they are and how hot they look going down on you. If they do something right, let them know.
Moan into it and verbally affirm their burgeoning skills. If they feel good about what they’re doing, they’ll be more open to learning and taking cues.