When you were planning your tour of America (or wherever) via automobile, did you consider getting it on? No? Well we did!
If you’re going on a cross country, multi-state, multi-day, multi-week road trip, you’re going to want to have sex. To that end, road trip sex is a highly underrated art form, the logistics of which take finesse.
Yes, roadtrips are about more than showering in sinks and peeing on the side of the road. Who knew?
Here is the complete beginners guide to having sex on the road. Take these tips along with you and happy trails!
Consider the size of your vehicle
There are things you have to take into account before you commit to a road trip: the size of your car and the size of your partner. If you’re married to someone who’s 6’3, sex in any car let alone a sedan is going to be a challenge.
If you’re both pocket-sized, it shouldn’t be a problem. If you’re not, you should consider renting a van or an RV for this excursion to avoid bruising.
Get an air mattress that fits in the back of your car
An air mattress will be your saving grace. Don’t buy the wrong one and wind up the loser (of orgasms, that is, since they are already hard enough to have in a car).
Logistics: Get an air mattress that comes with its own little, self-inflating motor. Make sure it fits in the back when you put the seats down. Test this all before you leave—this way you can have it rolled up when you don’t need it, and get out quickly when you do.
Don’t forget pillows and blankets
In that same vein, don’t forget pillows and blankets. You’re going to need them if you want to have a good road sex experience. It’s all fun and games playing Indiana Jones-style roughing it until you’re head gets smashed against a cupholder.
Road trips are not luxurious. You can bring some comforts from home and still be rugged. We promise.
Choose your attire wisely
Now is not the time for something complicated. Obviously, you’re on a road trip so it’s unlikely you’re wearing anything fancy, but that doesn’t mean your clothes are not overly complicated.
Case in point: Do not wear tights and boots. When time is of the essence, you don’t want to be fumbling around trying to pull your boots off—not sexy.
Wear simple leggings or sweatpants. If you can handle a maxi dress and no panties, even better. It’s good to air out anyway.
Don’t just pull off the road and start going at it
Another tip: Don’t think you’re safe pulling off of I-95 to have a quickie. A highway patrol officer is going to walk right up to your car and put you in jail for public sex.
Be resourceful and use Google Maps like a boss. Get off the highway and choose a route without highways or tollways. This will not only keep you on the right direction, but will give you ample opportunity to find an abandoned country road to have sex.
For the exhibitionists: You can also find a forest or other sheltered area and pop out of the car to get it on in the woods. Happy hunting!
Road head in cruise control
Road head is a tricky thing. You don’t want to give a blowjob or cunnilingus on a busy, traffic jammed road. You also don’t want to risk someone losing a very important limb if they need to hit the breaks.
Save road head for long stretches of abandoned highway where you can put the car in cruise control. If you REALLY need to get some, go for it—but stay in communication with your partner so as to avoid “surprises.”
And keep your eyes on the road!
Book a few AirBnbs in key cities beforehand
When planning your trip, factor in sex. You’re not going to want to spend every single night in your car. It’s exhausting and you never get enough sleep anyway.
Book a few inexpensive AirBnbs in the cities you’re planning to visit. They don’t need to be super luxe, just clean and with a bed. You’ll thank us later.