How to Have a Super Sexy Marriage

The small things you can do to keep things hot

Updated 01/10/18

Stocksy

What makes married sex life hot is totally subjective. What works for some may not work for others, so what matters is if you're happy with your circumstances.

With that being said, when you're in a long-term, forever relationship, you have to work to keep sex hot. It doesn't just happen on its own; it takes a dual alliance to try new things, explore fantasies, and check in with each other about your feelings.

Falling into a routine is normal. The intense drama of a single life just doesn't exist when you choose a lifelong partner. At the beginning of your relationship, things were likely new and exciting. It's easy to yearn for those early days, but you shouldn't allow yourself to get lost in the nostalgia.

You're in a relationship with the person of your dreams. This is the time to make sex hotter than ever. Monogamy does not equal monotony. Is it work? For sure. Is it doable? Absolutely.

Here is how to have a super sexy, incredibly fulfilling marriage or partnership.

Schedule time for sex.

Scheduling out sex is not exactly the sexiest proposition in the world. Ugh. Adding "SEX" onto your shared Google calendar sounds a bit trite, doesn't it? It shouldn't. In fact, we should relish it.

When we don't make an effort to keep sex alive and consistent, it fades out; it stops being as important as it once was. We're told that we shouldn't do anything we don't want to do and sex should just come naturally—and if it doesn't, oh well. While this has merit (you shouldn't do anything you don't want to do, obviously), sometimes we have to show up for our partner. We need to keep our partnership intimate and alive by nurturing that connection.

Instead of getting annoyed by your bracketed-out sex time, get excited about it. Send your partner a sexy text on "sex day" and let him know how excited you are to strip him later. Use it as a way to fuel to your desire.

Watch porn together.

Watching porn with your partner may sound a bit intimidating, but it's a fabulous way to explore your fantasies. If there is something you've been thinking about but have been too nervous to try, porn is a great place to start.

You don't have to stick to the crappy free RedTube clips geared towards straight men (while unapologetically exploiting women's bodies). You can watch sexy-as-hell porn made by women for women. Check out Erika Lust, TrenchCoatX, and Lust Cinema. You can find porn you'll actually love.

Trust us, your partner is going to be all for this idea. Once you've explored fantasies, you can move toward testing a few in real life. Want to try BDSM? Get some handcuffs. Want to explore spanking? Go for it.

Buy some lingerie that turns you on.

And not just on special occasions. If you're feeling a little blue about your sex life or just want to boost things a little bit, get some lingerie (or any sexy clothing) that turns you on. You want to buy something that makes you feel sexy and good about your body.

This may not be a sexy lacy teddy for everyone. Maybe you feel incredible in a black leather bodysuit or cute pajamas. If you're in the right mindset—a.k.a. confident!—you'll be more inclined to get it on.

Don't forget about foreplay.

It's easy to jump right into sex when we're battling busy schedules at work, crazy family members, and responsibilities. When you have an easy orgasm waiting at home, the simplest thing to do is jump on it and move on with your evening.

Instead, commit to foreplay!

Foreplay shouldn't even be called foreplay. It should be called play, plain and simple. Enjoying each other's bodies is a part of the entire experience. It allows the two of you to connect with each other on a pure, intimate level. This is the person you chose to marry, and you have a bond that exists with no other person on earth.

Buy a sex toy together.

If you're looking to introduce a sex toy into your relationship (please do!) but aren't sure how to go about it, or what your partner might be into, make an excursion of it together. We recommend a trip to your local sex-toy boutique after a few brunch cocktails. It makes for an excellent time.

Shopping for sex toys together forces you to explore territory outside of your comfort zone. You can learn a lot about a person and his or her sexual fantasies based on what they find interesting in a sex shop. Wondering what to buy? We suggest either a couple's vibrator or a clit vibrator for beginners. Plus, this little adventure will definitely turn you both on.

Communicate your desires.

The most important thing on this entire list: communicating your desires with your partner. If something is working for you, let him or her know. If you feel like you're not having enough orgasms, sex, or exploration—say something! Do not suffer in silence.

We're taught not to speak our minds when we're unhappy in the bedroom. We don't want to bruise any egos, right? Wrong.

Your partner is your ally. You two are in this together. You should be able to openly discuss everything, even sex. If you can talk about sex, you will have better, more fulfilling sex. If your partner gets offended or hurt because you're trying to make things better, that's a whole other discussion entirely. Communication is critical for hot sex.

Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.

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