How to Handle People Asking Why They Weren’t Invited to Your Wedding

If they didn't make the list, you can still let them down easy

Updated 07/17/18

Max & Friends

When it comes time to finalizing your wedding guest list and sending out save-the-dates or invitations, you’ll suddenly feel a giant weight lifted off your shoulders. Figuring out who to invite to your big day can cause a stress headache that takes a long time to kick. Whether you’re looking to keep your wedding under three digits or you just don’t want to invite certain people for personal reasons, coming to terms with who will be on the guest list and who will be left off will be a decision that will feel good to finalize.

But once people start to find out who is invited to your wedding and who has been taken off the list, you might be faced with people calling, texting, emailing, or asking you in real life—why they weren’t invited to your big day? Here are four ways to handle responding to those who weren’t asked to come celebrate your wedding with you.

1. Blame it on Size

If you decided to keep your wedding small, you can use that as the reason to tell people who might ask why they weren’t sent an invitation. Let those people know that they do mean a lot to you and you would love to celebrate this milestone in your life with them, just in a different way. Explain that inviting them to your wedding was just something you couldn’t do because of how small you decided to make it. Some people might not realize that your wedding is a small affair, so be honest about that if it’s the case and those who weren’t invited will start to feel not as left out.

2. Use Distance as a Reason

If you’ve decided to host your wedding in a far away city, let those guests know that you chose to do a destination wedding and decided to keep the guest list small. Because travel was an added factor placed on guests, let them know that you decided to invite fewer people so that you could have the wedding of your dreams in a certain location that you have always loved.

3. Let Them Know the Truth

If your wedding is neither small or at a far away location and you just decided you didn’t want that person at your wedding, you can explain to them the true reason why they didn’t get invited. Feel free to open up about the reason why you decided not to add them to your wedding guest list. If it’s something that’s better said in person, arrange a time to meet up and chat. If it’s a person that you’re not very close with, perhaps ask a family member or friend who is close with them to relay the message.

4. Decide to Handle It Post-Wedding

If you find that you’re getting overwhelmed with people reaching to find out why they were invited to your wedding and you’re not in the mood to handle it or give them an answer, then don’t. You can briefly let them know that there are some unresolved issues that you have with them or reasons that you want to discuss with them—after your wedding. Only make amends with people beforehand that you want to be there on your big day. If a person is asking you why they weren’t invited and you have a good reason for why they weren’t, either let them know on the spot or tell them that you’ll reach out to chat about it when the wedding is over. Doing so will keep your wedding as drama-free as possible.

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