How to Handle Bridesmaid Regret

What's a conflicted gal to do now?

Updated 10/24/19

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You were on a gnarly and all-natural engagement high when you asked your best friends to be bridesmaids in your wedding (yay!), but now you're wondering if you were actually high at the time because all of a sudden you're seriously regretting one or more of your bridesmaid choices, ugh. What's a conflicted gal to do now?

Well, it all depends. One thing is for sure though, you've got some tough conversations ahead but it's nothing you can't handle. With a little bit of help from the pros, we'll guide you through it so you don't have to worry.

Make a Decision as Soon as Possible

Should they stay or should they go? Jen Glantz, author of "Always a Bridesmaid (For Hire)", recommends deciding early on what you'd like to do.

"If you want them to stay, then you need to leave out the drama from your wedding experience and also maybe leave them out of plans they don't want to be a part of or just aren't up for joining."

If you want them to go, she suggests having a sit down talk with them ASAP. "Chat with them about how this isn't really working out and the whole bridesmaid thing is hurting your friendship. It's up to you to decide if you can ignore a bridesmaid that's just not showing up or if you want to deal with it, even if that means another layer of wedding drama."

Enlist Your Maid of Honor to Help

If the bridesmaid is someone you can't exactly fire, like your sister-in-law for example, get your maid of honor on board to lift some of that weight and stress off your shoulders. Have her take complete charge and be the point person to handle any situations or drama that should arise regarding the wedding with this particular person.

Inform the bridesmaid that she's to direct any questions or concerns to the maid of honor and let your maid of honor know, if possible, that you don't want to hear about any of the drama that goes on either. If she's your good friend (and she probably is...duh, she's your maid of honor) she should be more than willing to meet your needs. Plus, she can always use the other bridesmaids to vent to or go to for some backup.

Give Her the Option to Step Down

Of course it might seem uncomfortable to talk about it, but Jessica Janik, founder of The Invisible Bridesmaid, says you can always start the conversation by casually saying, "Hey are you still in this 100 percent?" If the answer is wishy-washy or you can tell something's wrong or bothering them, then let them know you're totally ok with them stepping down from the position for whatever reason.

"Having this talk is better than being disappointed by their lack of engagement and enthusiasm the entire year. However, remember that asking them if they'd like to step down means you can't be upset if they take you up on your offer."

Unfortunately, sometimes people take on too much and don't know how to say no, explains Janik. This might have been the case with your bridesmaid.

"Remember that not everyone is in the same boat when it comes to financial situations or having extra time available to help you plan." She highly advises checking with all of your maids beforehand on if the date works for them and if they're ok with both the money and time it takes to be a bridesmaid. This can help you avoid having regret in the first place.

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