How to Have a Conversation With a Type-A Bridesmaid Trying to Take Over Your Wedding

This is what you do when she forgets whose big day it really is

Updated 01/05/18

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Being engaged comes with a lot of exciting and high-energy moments. There will be times when your phone is ringing off the hook with family members and friends who want to be there to help you and give you hours of advice. There will be moments when you get to make really big and fun decisions, like what flavor cake to have or what song to hold your partner close to for your very first dance. There will even be moments when your closest gal pals will throw you pre-wedding parties that will create the kind of memories that will linger in your mind for years to come.

But with the thrill of being engaged come the headaches that may pop up when it comes to dealing with the opinions, requests, or even decisions made by your friends and family members that are often unwarranted and not in line with your style or your wedding plans.

If you find yourself with a type-A bridesmaid who is trying to take over your wedding, turn to these four tips below. That way, you won’t lose a friend (or your sanity) when it comes to your wedding planning process.

1. Set Boundaries ASAP

You know your friends better than you think. So if one of your closest friends usually takes the lead when it comes to planning vacations and weekend brunches for the crew, perhaps you want to set boundaries with her before you ask her to be your bridesmaid. Let that person know that you’re excited to plan your wedding and would love to turn to her when you need help or advice. Let her know that you have it under control, or that you’ve hired vendors who have it under control. Have that chat early on so it won’t get awkward and she won’t think she is in control when it comes to your wedding.

2. Give Her Tasks

Early on in your wedding-planning process, create a list of tasks that you can ask your organized and pro-planning bridesmaid to take care of for you. Giving that person specialized things to do will allow her to feel as though she matters to you and your wedding day. It will also keep her busy with things you actually need done, so she doesn’t start taking on tasks on her own that you don’t really want her to touch.

3. Let Her Know Why

Oftentimes, a person who is very type-A just wants to help as much as she can so that nothing goes wrong or unplanned for your wedding day. Simply put, she wants the best for you. So if you are starting to feel like a bridesmaid of yours is taking over your wedding plans and doing too much, have a conversation with her to let her know you have things under control. Also, let her know why it means a lot to you to take the reigns on the planning so she understands where you are coming from. There’s a chance she might assume you don’t want to spend the time planning every detail, so be specific and clear about how much involvement you want her to have and why.

4. Let Her Know How Thankful You Are

When you are having the conversation with your friend about taking a bit of a backseat when it comes to planning your wedding, make sure that person knows how thankful you are for the effort she has put into helping you plan. Let her know how thankful you are for her willingness to take on the new tasks that you’ve assigned to her. And instead of letting that person feel unwanted or undervalued, be sure to let her know how very much she means to you instead.

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