How to Feel Like a Sex Goddess, Even After Years of Marriage

Sex goddesses, unite!

Updated 06/08/18


It often happens that after years of routine sex with the same person (even your soulmate), the erotic wind out can fall from your sails. You stop getting as excited about sex as you once did. You stop feeling as confident and hot as you did in the blissful sex-filled first stages of the relationship. Being a sex goddess often takes a backseat to other (albeit very important) roles such as career-woman, mom, wife, friend, etc.

Sex is the first thing to be put on the back burner when life gets hectic. Stop right there! This should never be the case. Sex is an integral part of your married life. And feeling good about yourself sexually is just as crucial.

Say it with me: I am a sex goddess! You may have been married for 10, 20, 30, 40 years—it does not matter. You can feel hot and sensual for the rest of your life.

Here’s how to feel sexy even after years of marriage.

Never stop masturbating

Masturbation is how to stay connected with that inner sex goddess energy that every one of us has. As years pass, it can get harder to maintain those feelings of erotic connectivity. You have to make the conscious effort. It is the me-time we all deserve.

Incorporate masturbation into your daily or weekly routine. Don’t rush it. Put some lavender oil on your hands and take time to touch your thighs, your arms, your belly. Get in tune with your body. It is luscious and deserves the attention!

You may not be in the mood right away, but no one has ever been reluctant to have an orgasm. Plus, masturbation has been directly linked to wanting more partnered sex.

Treat yourself to things that make you feel sexy

This is going to vary from person to person. Give it some serious thought. No one thing is better than any other. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it makes you feel HOT.

Do you enjoy a regular mani pedi? A new lingerie outfit? A fancy new sex toy? A trip to therapy? Heading to the acupuncturist? Buying essential oils? Getting a pair of jeans that make your butt look like an apple?

Do that thing. Buy that thing. We’re not saying blow all of all your money on extraneous stuff, but treating yourself here and there reminds yourself that you are one sexy, powerful lady.

Try a mirror exercise

This may seem a little out there, but it is a tried and true method of boosting self-confidence and personal sexual self-worth.

When you are getting ready in the morning, doing your makeup, washing your face—whatever it is—stop and take a moment to look in the mirror. Tell yourself that you are a sexy, beautiful woman deserving of sexual and sensual pleasure. Say: “I am one hot woman. I am confident. I am sexy.”

It might feel a little silly at first, but reminding yourself out loud that you are hot will make a difference. And you know what? You are hot! No one is as critical of us as we are of ourselves. If you believe it, everyone else will too.

Find porn you both like

Yes, porn. No, that was not a misprint. Watching porn together is extremely hot. Have a problem with porn? It’s probably because you haven’t seen porn that is designed for women to actually enjoy. If you’ve only seen gang bangs on RedTube, yes, you might be put off by that.

Check out this list of recommendations. We’re sure it’ll change your tune. Plus, watching porn together is amazing foreplay. Don’t be afraid to experiment and try new things. Just like sex, your viewing materials should change and evolve over time. Enjoy yourselves!

Keep up a regular fitness routine

This has nothing to do with fitting an ideal or trying to keep the same 20- or 30-something body you had when you originally met. That’s just absurd and unrealistic. Don’t put yourself in that box. Our bodies change over time and this is something we should embrace and enjoy. It’s a part of beautiful, gorgeous life.

Having a regular fitness routine isn’t about having a butt that can fit on a quarter, it’s about maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Going to yoga, taking a boxing class, or heading for a run—whatever your workout of choice—boosts sexy-feeling hormones like dopamine and serotonin—a.k.a. confidence, a key in element in reaching your orgasmic potential over the long haul. When you feel good about yourself, sex is more fun.

Remind your partner how sexy they are as often as possible (and vice versa)

Affirmations: Embrace them. Do not stop telling your partner how hot they are no matter how many years you’ve been married. Even if you’re 80 years old we expect you to tell your husband or wife how scrumptious you find them.

They should do the same. This is how you keep love and passion alive for your entire lives. You don’t just say the words, you mean them. You love each other enough to know that making each other feel good is important and worth your time.

Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.

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